Dr. Melissa Sonners on the Pandemic of Loneliness and the Power of Connection
Jun 02, 2025
WELCOME TO EPISODE 244
In this soulful and timely episode, I sit down with Dr. Melissa Sonners—chiropractor, author, and mother of three—for a deep conversation on navigating chronic illness, rediscovering inner wisdom, and healing in community. We talk about how neurological Lyme disease and mold toxicity shook her life—and how it ultimately became the catalyst for transformation.
Melissa shares why rest and stillness matter more than most of us admit, how brainwave rhythms can radically shape our state of being, and why connection (to ourselves and others) is the real medicine we all need. We also dive into her upcoming book The Connection Code, which provides tools to reclaim your voice, values, and vitality—especially in a world that often feels isolating. From power hours to playful rituals, this conversation is a heartfelt invitation to start listening to what your body’s been trying to say all along.
Episode Highlights
[01:40] - How a wellness festival sparked reconnection and community
[05:38] - Facing neurological Lyme, memory loss, and a full-body shutdown
[12:14] - Why she ditched the "power hour" and built a nervous-system-friendly morning
[22:08] - The two-minute practice that can reconnect you to your inner voice
[33:58] - Creating true community by coming home to yourself
[39:04] - The brainwave blueprint: Theta, Alpha, Beta—and how to live in flow
[47:13] - The 3-part decision matrix: intuition, nervous system, and values
[55:49] - Behind the book: how The Connection Code came to life
[59:27] - Melissa’s one message to a divided world: come back to who you are
Dr. Melissa's RESOURCES
Best Friends Book Nook- an online book club for women: https://www.drmelissasonners.com/book-nook
Regulate YOUR Rhythm: https://www.drmelissasonners.com/regulated-rhythm
The Connection Code: https://www.drmelissasonners.com/resources/connection-code-bundle
Morning Self-WITH challenge: https://www.drmelissasonners.com/resources/5-day-challenge-of-being-self-with
How to Set the Tone for Your Day: Morning Sit Spot Ideas: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7biHnjVFdk
How To Turn Your iPhone Screen RED [Block Blue Light At Night]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZ3EFgs3CQg
Upgrade Your Wellness:
BEAM Minerals: http://beamminerals.com/beautifullybroken
Use code beautifullybroken for 20% off
StemRegen: https://www.stemregen.co/products/stemregen?_ef_transaction_id=&oid=1&affid=52
Code: beautifullybroken
Silver Biotics Wound Healing Gel: https://bit.ly/3JnxyDD (30% off)
(Use Code: BEAUTIFULLYBROKEN for Discount)
CONNECT WITH DR. MELISSA
Dr. Melissa's Podcast: apple.co/43P1baU
Dr. Melissa's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/BeInspiredMama/
Dr. Melissa's Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melissa.sonners/
Dr. Melissa's YouTube: https://bit.ly/3VSFIvM
CONNECT WITH FREDDIE
Work with Me: https://www.beautifullybroken.world/biological-blueprint
Website and Store: (http://www.beautifullybroken.world)
Instagram: (https://www.instagram.com/beautifullybroken.world/)
YouTube: (https://www.youtube.com/@freddiekimmel
FULL EPISODE INTERVIEW
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Freddie Kimmel (00:01.686)
Okay, let's do a breath. Okay. Okay, let's do hand on, dominant hand on your belly, whichever feels right, heart to belly. Okay, here's me. We'll go in for four.
Freddie Kimmel (00:15.331)
Hold.
Freddie Kimmel (00:19.232)
and let it go.
Freddie Kimmel (00:24.75)
and just sit in that for a second.
Freddie Kimmel (00:31.137)
Alright.
So good. Hi.
Hi. Thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the beautifully broken podcast. I'm here with Dr. Melissa. Welcome to the show. It's so good to be here with you. So we met doing Runga events at the Austin Music Ranch.
So good to be here with you, Freddie. Thank you so much.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (00:49.354)
Yes. my god, that space was so amazing.
Unreal for anybody that's watching this and you go Google this, it is like this massive ranch in the hills of Austin that used to be owned by the Dixie Chicks as a recording studio.
I love them. You could feel their energy there, Knowing that going in, it's like music was made here and created here.
Yeah, yeah.
Freddie Kimmel (01:11.944)
Music was made here. And so so we were there and we were like, you know, all things wellness, a deep immersive three and four day festivals and you know, for anybody who hadn't been to a runga event that was, you know, Ben Greenfield was involved in quicksills for scientific and the new fit technology and all the things right. The the curation of the human beings was
it you could the energy and the energetic vibe of the weekend was just so elevated. It was very, very special.
That's one of my hands down favorite events to Immersion. I mean, you nailed it. Like the energy and I mean, the food is so clean. They're giving you shots of stuff. They're putting you in the chambers on the amp coil. You're with elevated people having beautiful connected conversations in the grass, right? Going through these epic experiences. And I think what I loved so much about there is that the people there wanted to learn and connect and grow, you know? So just like a really cool.
Really cool weekend to slip into.
Yeah, it was amazing. It was amazing. I think the, like you said, the quality of the food, like they're bringing out, you know, T-bone steaks and bison burgers. you know, they were the first people to like structure water in an event, everything you could imagine to complement the exchange of the information that was like turning into knowledge. And then people were walking out of there with just a lot of zip in their step and a lot of inspiration after those weekends. Yeah.
Freddie Kimmel (02:44.321)
Yeah.
I like to think of those experiences that a lot of us get to have is like the macro connection, the macro self care, right? You go to these and you leave there vibrating on another level. And they're so beautiful. And then there's like the, I call it reentry. We've got three kids. So then you like dip into reentry, which is usually a pendulum swing the complete other way, And then it's like, how do I take this?
Yeah.
Freddie Kimmel (03:07.746)
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (03:11.552)
and weave this into the fabric of the reality of my life. And those are the micro, which I know we'll talk about a lot today, like the small moment. But I think both are really important.
Yeah.
I do too. always, when I talk about these things, I do realize how privileged I am to be able to go to these where, my God, you know, many people are struggling to pull together extra money for food or don't have, I think a majority of Americans don't have, I think it's 60 to 70 % don't have a thousand dollars on a credit card. you know, the disparity is real. I have always believed as amplifying the message with bigger adoption that
prices and scale starts to move outward, as we usually see with most things in the modern world. Now you're there at this wellness event, I assume there was a time when you didn't know about the benefits of hyperbaric chambers or fasting and longevity. Tell me about a time that was really challenging for you in your body and your life from either the physical or the mental, emotional, spiritual.
Sure, yeah. And actually, when it happened to me, so I got really sick. I got hit with a form of neurological Lyme and mold toxicity. And you know from experience how fun that can be. And at the time when I got sick, we had three kids. Her youngest daughter was a year old and our boys were...
Freddie Kimmel (04:28.16)
It's amazing.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (04:37.144)
four and six. luckily I was in the wellness space. I'm a chiropractor, my husband's a chiropractor. So we were running our clinic. and I had access to a lot of that stuff and it was a big part of my healing. But, you know, even with all that going on, I, I got hit and I know we'll get to this place, but that's it. It turns out it's one of the best things that happened to me because
It made me realize there's so much more to the story than what I was doing. I was doing fasting. I was doing all the right things, you know, I was doing all the things that I thought were right as a healthy woman who takes care of herself, which was just more things on my busy plate. And it was it was really scary. I mean, I know you've had an experience with Lyme and mold. And so I imagine you know what it's like to lose your minds. I literally
I was at, like there were, there were whispers of things that were, that were showing up for me that weren't right. And I'm usually a very like social, happy, energetic person. had a full load of patients. I loved my job. I loved my life. I've got three beautiful children. I love my husband and things just started to not feel right. And it was like the whispers that I think a lot of us push down. Like I'm tired. It's the end of the day. I can't do this anymore, but I have to.
right? I need a break. I can't take one. And my body just started getting louder and louder. And it started to turn into like really bad headaches. And then it was like my headaches were like, I couldn't see well. And then I started to lose my memory. And then there were like really big kickers that I get like a little emotional when I talk about I was at our son's kindergarten graduation. And him and his classmates were up on stage like singing these sweet graduation songs. And I I'm just like,
waterfalls, right? I've got Wyatt, our four year old, on one side and I'm like breastfeeding our daughter and I'm just bawling and these moms are like, my god, I know, like our boys are kindergarten graduation. And I'm like, little do they know, I'm struggling to think of my son's name right now. Like it got really bad really fast. And that was a big one. That was a big one. And also
Dr. Melissa Sonners (07:00.236)
You know, my husband and I had built our office and worked there together for over a decade and it's two miles down the road and I couldn't find my way there anymore. And so I was still showing up for everybody. I was like pumping ibuprofen and chugging caffeine and like just trying to keep it all afloat. And then my body said no more. And it got really bad. And luckily we had access to some testing and some great tools. And so I hit the road to recovery pretty quickly, but you know, in hindsight, it's really what taught me that
It's not just about doing more when it comes to our health. Sometimes it's about letting go and actually doing less and tuning into the things that are free that we can access at any time, no matter who we are and how much money we have in the bank, which I think is just such a beautiful thing.
Yeah, those are universal truths. Because I am such a strong believer that the environment informs biology, what do you think it was in your environment that caused or laid the scene for you to have such an acute response to Lyme?
Yeah. Well, I like to look at it as a bucket, right? Like our stress bucket. And so we all accumulate stress. And as a chiropractor, I'm taught to look at it from the lens of chemical stress, which is like what we're around, perhaps molds, right? Physical stress, what we're doing against our body or for our body, and then emotional stress. I have a job, I have a family, right? The good stress, which is called eustress. It's like healthy stress. have to have it.
or distress, unhealthy stress. And those stresses accumulate in the bucket and there's like the Midwestern, we call it the hay that broke the camel's back. So there's that one thing that sets us over into symptoms, right? And so I think I had let my bucket get really full. And then we were spending a lot of time on a sailboat and there was a ton of mold on there. And at some point,
Dr. Melissa Sonners (09:00.398)
in the summer, just as I was getting sick, I had found a tick bite behind my ear. So I think it was like that double stack on top of all the things that I was doing against my body that I thought was doing for my body.
Yeah, can I ask what testing you used to identify what was going on?
Yeah, Jason, my husband does functional medicine. And so I honestly put a lot of it in his hands. But I will tell you when I first went to get tested, it was on a weekend, we were at the sailboat, we had extra kids with us. And I was like, I need to go to urgent care. Like, it's bad, something's wrong. I need to get tested. And so I went home, I got into an urgent care. And the doctor tried to send me home. He's like, you're a tired mom, just go home and rest.
And luckily I know enough. was like, I'm not leaving here until you run some Lyme, some inflammatory markers. Like there's something going on. And if you're not going to put that in my chart, I'm not leaving. And so I got tested for Lyme. That was what showed up right away. And then we did like some provoked DMSA testing, DMSO. We did some metal testing, some mold testing. He kind of ran the gamut. I was like, I don't want to look at it. I don't want to know because I'm dealing with it on the inside and I'm trying to tell myself I'm not.
But I can grab all that stuff for him. We can put it in the notes.
Freddie Kimmel (10:13.932)
Yeah, no, it's great. It's great to know. And it's a tricky road to navigate. Yeah. So do you think there are some pillars along your journey, which were turning points? You're like, my goodness, I changed this and I started doing this and it was like, lights came on. I changed this and I added in this. I got another level of functionality.
Yeah. the, the biggest thing I switched was my morning routine. Okay. So I was doing what I like to call a power hour. And I think this is, know, what a lot of, you know, people who are aspiring to get it all done do in some regard in the morning. I had done a lot of Tony Robbins coaching and he calls it your power hour. It's like a very masculine energy, right? Get up, get ahead of the day, which is great. I changed what that meant to me. So in previous life, when I got sick,
What that meant to me was setting the alarm for 4.30 a.m., making some really strong coffee because I was tired, but I had to get up and get ahead of the day. I went to a CrossFit gym. I love CrossFit. I did it for a long time. It worked well. But you think about just from like a circadian rhythm, going under the really bright lights. So call it CrossFit or call it something else, but like exposing yourself to really bright lights right out the gate.
Yeah. Yeah.
Freddie Kimmel (11:30.39)
Yeah.
And then I came home and I hit the emails to get ahead of the emails for the day. You never get ahead of the emails for the day. They just keep coming. Right. And then I hit my day. So now I call it a morning ritual or a morning rhythm. And I get ahead of the day by setting my nervous system for the day. I love nervous system alignment. That's a whole other pillar. It's really important. That's my favorite one to talk about because we can align with our brainwave flow and it's like magic. And those are the ways we can reset in seconds.
Yeah. So the first pillar to answer your question was setting my morning ritual. And now what that looks like, it can be five minutes, 10 minutes, two minutes. It's waking up, keeping my phone to the side, checking in, like, what's my head saying, creating an awareness around the subconscious thoughts, because they come in right away, right? Dictating what I want for the day. Right? So like those thoughts might be like, how am going to get it all done?
And before I'd be like, well, coffee, and I'll just force through. And now I switch that to, what do I want more of in this day? It's a stacked day. And my answer, I'm a seven on the Enneagram. I don't know if you do Enneagram.
I've done it in the past. I'm now more human to design than anything. I love that, So I'm a manifest generator. Okay. Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (12:49.71)
Okay, I that's what I am too. So sevens enneagram play is really important for us. So my main question I ask myself is how can I make today more fun? And then that's like the lens that I see my day through. And then I go out and I don't turn on any of our overhead lights. I use red lights. There's great ones, right? We can spend a lot of money on therapeutic ones. Love them. I've also grabbed on Amazon some like cheapy ones and I just put them in my lamps.
Yeah.
Freddie Kimmel (13:16.546)
Yeah.
I've got one that I clip on as a book light. love reading too. That's one of the things I do with my women in my community. But I've just changed the way that I approach the day from the get go.
Yeah. Yeah. It is such a palate cleanser. And I will tell you, as much as I know, as much as I know, I should do that. There are days when I slip.
And I slide back into, you know, whatever it was, like, how did this clip do last night that Michelle post or how did the downloads look for what and I'll start with two or three of those. And then I find that I lose I lose the ability to pull it back because the poll, the dopamine poll to like achieve is so strong. What do we got? I find like you like I have, I've
for a long time, years and years I had to have coffee. I'll be honest with the audience, today I brewed a pot of coffee and I've not done coffee in almost three months. I brewed one and I put it in the cup on the way here because I'm working on this big project. And back to back to back shows, were at Health Optimization and Cryocon and going to Boise next weekend. So you know the gig and I took a sip of that and I was just like, first stop light, I was like, you don't need this.
Freddie Kimmel (14:38.784)
it. And I knew I didn't need it. But it was like that old pathway. If you don't kill it, and really like lean into like, you know, the new morning, it's really easy to slide back in. And I find that a lot of times we'll have that shame or judgment about sliding back into the old pattern. That's very American, right?
I think this is a really important conversation and I'm so glad you brought it up because if we sit here and we're like, here's my perfect morning and nothing gets in the way and this is who I am and this is what I do and people listening to this are like, I'm going to try and then they slip up. The worst thing we can do is slip up and then think we're a failure and never do it again. Like we call it practice because we're going to slip up and that's, that's where we learn. And I think that's such an important aspect of it because
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (15:30.284)
The power is in the awareness, right? I think it's Victor Frankl said the quote, like between reaction and stimulus is a pause and that's where our power sits. And so you made the coffee and you were conscious of what you were doing, right? You were conscious this is the old way. There are many days or many moments that I will choose the old way, but I'm aware that it's a choice. And so during those days, if I feel frazzled, if I feel chaotic, if I start to feel off, I know why.
Yeah.
Freddie Kimmel (15:52.226)
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (16:00.256)
I made the choice. And usually at the end of those days, I'm like, yeah, I don't want the old way anymore. And then the other thing is, you know, we choose what's familiar. So we'll choose a familiar hell over an unknown potential heaven most of the time, because it feels like safety. And so I think also giving yourself permission and forgiving and knowing that like, it's not going to feel natural.
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (16:29.644)
And so this is where, you know, I think it's so important to have the conversations and connections and community so that when you're like, I heard these people talking about switching my morning and I went to do it. And my husband was like, I thought we were going to do our emails in the morning, or I thought we were going to do that thing. And all of a sudden now you're over there like, yeah, that's going to happen. Or my dog woke up and had to pee. Like, what do I do? Or my kids woke up. What do I do? You're like, it happens to me too.
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (16:58.375)
It makes you feel less alone and it makes you realize it's a human experience and we're all just practicing. So that's so important. I'm so glad you brought it up.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's real. was just I'm laughing because I'm making my partner right now watch The Last of Us. I don't know what that is. It's a series on HBO about zombies. And it's a zombie show, but it's the writing. It's got cinematography. it's all about relationships. all about relationships. People tell you it's a zombie show. Yeah. It's about relationships. And it's beautifully written. It's a good score. And it's HBO. So yeah, you know, we're watching. I was like, I really want to watch season two with you. So and
We're both sitting there, she's like last night, she's like, you have to put this section on mute. She's like, this music and them being chased, she's like, I'm not gonna sleep, And I'm like, I know, but this is really good. It's good with sound. You can't watch a zombie chase without, know, people with mushroom heads without the music. And they're making these weird clicking noises, all the things. Shout out to the last of us. But you know, it was really interesting. I hit mute.
Nervous system acting.
Freddie Kimmel (18:04.11)
For this section, was like, Oh my god, does that take the intensity off? You know that so we're like, it was a great example is like, I want to watch this with you. I want to share this experience. She has an awareness that it's going to disrupt her sleep. And then we had this thing where like, oh, we learned something like, wow, does that change just on the scenes that are like, some something big is about to happen. Yeah, you know, we both slept relatively well. That's really, but I know that that dynamic between
partners and it's like we have different needs like she's a PA, you know, she's doing community medicine, she's up early, she's in her early workout class. So I have to, you know, I like to ride a little later. So it's that negotiation, which I find often pulls people either off their program, or it's it's the cross that they'll die and to be like, well, I can't do that, because my partner lives this way, and it doesn't work with them. Yeah, so that's a that's a challenging one for people to negotiate and navigate. Sometimes I find it's
It's a really tricky one. I mean, that's like a whole other podcast on relationships and getting in alignment with your values because I think it leads to really good conversations and you can grow together. And I think even in the strongest relationships, my husband and I have a great bond. Communication is definitely one of our core values as this growth mindset. And I will say he struggled for sure when I changed my morning routine.
Because I think ultimately, like at the core, we all have the feeling I'm separate. Right? We can. And so for him, when I started going over here and I didn't fully communicate what was changing, but I knew I needed to do something for me or I was no good for him anyway, then what's the point? Right? And so luckily we came back together and communicated and
my health has become so leveraged because I saw what happens when it fell short. I saw the burden that fell on my husband. I saw that I couldn't take care of my family. And so it's like a non-negotiable for me. And that's why I love to teach it because for some women, especially they haven't hit that point yet. So they will, they haven't hit that point yet where listening to their own needs becomes really high up. number one, if not at least top three, because
Dr. Melissa Sonners (20:23.916)
That's how we burn out, right? If we don't do it. But if that's not a really high value, then when your partner says, wait, but what? Or when your kids are like, mommy, wait, like you will just fall back into that old pattern and then stay stuck, right? And there's like that little magic spot of growth and communication that completely changes the game.
Yeah, none of this is taught anywhere. Like this is, really believe like what you're talking about is a skill that our generation, I mean, I was not around people that had this level of awareness about internal knowing or an internal truth, or do I have an internal compass that I should honor the language with which I speak to my tissues? I mean, I was not around people like this. This is new to me. Maybe this was being practiced somewhere in the world.
How do you open the door to women and guide them in finding like, what do I want? What are my needs? Having never asked yourself that question for 40, 50, 60 years.
Yeah, definitely I've got resources for women and we'll list them all for men too. It's funny, more than half my audience is men. And I'm teaching this to women, but I think men are like, I'm curious too, or wanting to know about their partners, which I think is really...
Yeah.
Freddie Kimmel (21:44.43)
Very cool. This is a good audience for you because I'm like 75 % female.
Okay, it's like a hybrid. So it's a really good question, because so much of the time you ask a woman what she wants or needs, it's like, I don't know, I'm thinking about them first, right? So you first have to get ready to spend some time alone. And usually a couple barriers come up with that. I don't have time, or I'm scared. Right? And I think a lot of us use the time one, because it's a very easy one to use as an excuse. I'm too busy, I don't have time.
But the reality is, is I'm asking you for two minute clips here and there. Everything I teach is like two minutes, but we fill these pockets of time that we get throughout the day with our phones. How often are you like, my God, I have two minutes between pods, two minutes between emails, two minutes between whatever. Let me catch up. Who needs me? Where am I supposed to be? What can I do? Right. How's my video doing? Yeah, I totally get that.
Are we sure?
Dr. Melissa Sonners (22:48.022)
And so I like to teach women about what I call anchor tools. Don't worry. I'm going to help you figure it out. And I'm going to give you some anchors in those moments. And I'm just going to ask you to not grab your phone and instead grab these things. One of those things is a book. I love books. It's, say a book is the connection. It's the gateway back to yourself because a phone gets us in beta brain, which is like very busy brain. reading literally the movement of tracking your eyes across a
page will activate something called your corpus callosum. You instantly get into your body and into brain and heart coherence and balance. And so I always have a book with me. It's like the two minutes, five minutes here and there, the amount of books that you can actually get through is, is really beautiful.
Can I ask you a question about the reading and the book? yeah. Have you ever read on like one of the kindles that looks like paper? Does that work for you as far as like brainwave?
For me, it doesn't. don't know. You know, I think there's just something so very different between holding a physical book and reading one on our our devices. Yeah, I think too. It's just like too easy to get pulled into the other stuff. I definitely recommend a physical book. I think audios are great too for like if you're someone in motion or if like you learn better through motion, but I really encourage people not to read on a digital device.
Yeah, I mean, I think it's the tactile experience. It's the it's the analog version of the technology.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (24:20.718)
Highlighting it it's the it's the crinkling the page. I mean You know, you've got a good book when it's like dog-eared and highlighted and the pages are stained and wet Like those are the kind of books I want to get from my friends. Yeah, like here borrow this one. It's really good. Clearly So I you know, I walk women through We read together in my online book club for women. So I'm like you don't even have to think about the book I'm suggesting it for you
Yeah.
Freddie Kimmel (24:38.22)
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (24:48.846)
and we're reading this together. And so use that as one of your anchors. Another anchor I teach them is the five minute warning, because the more we start to put ourselves in situations of calm, contentment, spending time with ourself without digital, the more our brain literally starts to perceive that as safe. Because at the beginning when we do it, I mean, if I wasn't here and you have nothing going on and your phone sitting right there and you're like, I'm not going to grab it.
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (25:15.192)
I'm not going to grab it. Like it just feels really weird, right? Like, okay, what do I do with this space and time? So we've got to teach our brain. I'm not missing something. Like this is contentment. I just don't remember that because I haven't been there in a while. You know, once we start to create these spaces of feeling safe in the moments without all the things, then we start to hear our voice again. It's always there. It's the greatest guide. It's all we need.
Yeah. Yeah.
but we have forgotten how to hear it. And so you said it, you know, when you were having the coffee, you said, you don't need this, you know, and it's, we all hear those voices and I think we just shun it and stop listening to it when that's, that's the gold. And the more we do it, the louder it gets. And so literally like, I mean, today was a crazy kamikaze travel day for me. And it gets to the point now where I can be like,
What is it that I need? And I get an instant answer. And so I'm not saying your life becomes perfect. Like, I wouldn't want that. I think we need the stress. We need the movement. I like a busy kind of crazy life. But when you get pulled off kilter, you can get back really quickly. But that comes from getting to know yourself, what you desire and what you want. And I think that the...
The reason many women don't get there is just getting over that first step of spending time alone because they have no time or they're scared. And those are my favorite things because once you open that portal, it's like the floodgates of fun. Like, whoa, it was this easy? And my God, I'm having more fun in my 40s than I did in my 20s. It's such a beautiful thing and we deserve it, right?
Freddie Kimmel (27:04.878)
Yeah.
And then too, like when you get tuned into that voice, I mean, you know, in the age of like biohacks and all these tools that are out there and Huberman saying cold plunge for dopamine release, right? But not after your workout. then Stacey Sims is saying, but not for women. And you're like, what? Just listen. That's the guide. Cause she always knows.
Love it. Yeah. Yeah, we did a big, uh, I say we, I thought about that week for a while and I was listening to Hebrew and say one thing I'm listening to Stacey and I was like, God, I don't feel good about any of this. I just, felt, I didn't know what I felt, but I know I was having a moment. It's like, I don't like it. I don't like this. I was like, well, who's right? Yeah. I was like, who is, is
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (27:50.636)
You are.
Freddie Kimmel (27:54.772)
our women are women a bucket of neurotransmitters? Or is there a world in which like 15 women in a cabin in Vermont that are cooking food together, and they're cutting through the ice and they're like, having a life changing weekend is that measurable? Like, I don't think so. I think that now we're talking magical experience. So I understand there's a value for science, the scientific methodology, but at the at the end of the day, you know, and in Europe, I think you're a
big believer in the ceremonious nature of some of these things that elevates the T or the sitting for sure or the eye gazing. It can be simple, but you can transcend it through this awareness.
Yeah, well to me those experiences you were just talking about that comes down to community and connection. Mm-hmm. Right? And so you put anything into a setting where there's community and connection and I would bet that it's community and connection that is creating the benefits over the ice or the wine, you know, like all the studies that at least used to show having a glass of wine with dinner has all these health benefits. Well,
what were you doing at that dinner? Were you also in great conversation? Were you in community? Were you feeling connected? Because then it wasn't the wine, it was that. Yeah. You know, I'm in our book club, we're reading this great book called The Hormone Fix by Dr. Anna Kabeca. She's a triple board certified OBGYN. I'm sure you're familiar. That's great. And I love it because it's like in the age of information, I mean, even for us who've been in the space for a decade and a half, if not two, it's confusing.
more overwhelmed now than ever.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (29:36.182)
It's so confusing and we have a lot of resources and we have a lot of knowledge and Dr. Kabeca, she's like, go play, go play is basically the message. Go boost your oxytocin because it's going to lower your cortisol and it's going to balance insulin and like that is what we need to get back to. You know, all the blue zones of these people who live past a hundred, like
we look at it from this American lens, what are they doing? What are they doing so we can recreate it? They have community and connection. Some of them are smoking, some of them are drinking. They're doing whatever the hell they wanna do. And they're doing it in community and connection. And that is the common pillar. And that is my favorite thing to talk about because it's easy, right?
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it is and there's a lot of people that don't have that. Well, it can also be there's not the awareness around what that looks like. Or and people don't have it. And I do experience that a lot. I would say, you know, a bunch of people have said this, that like the greatest pandemic we're in right now is loneliness. Yeah. hyper connectivity. lack of quality connection. Yeah. And
You know, I would join with people and say even in the, even in within this realm of like all the things that I'm aware of and know and my friends and great community that there's so much time on a computer or a digital space that I don't get that same. You don't get the same magic as Runga or going to an event or having picnic in a park that digitally the time we spend on this device.
It's really hard to unwind that from the day.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (31:26.286)
Yeah, I definitely have a big space in my heart for that because I definitely I experienced that and I think it's twofold. I think we get really lonely and isolated even amidst big groups. Many people that do have community because you're lonely for your true self and I experienced that. And then I also, I mean, I lived 15 years and grew a family and a practice.
in New Jersey with my husband. And when we were going to pack up and move, literally we moved for community. I realized I didn't have a single person to say bye to other than family and coworkers. And I was like, my God. And I felt that. I felt like very lonely and isolated. I didn't feel like I had a lot of mama friends that had the same values as I did for raising our children.
Wow.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (32:17.59)
So we moved, we moved to a school community that was really felt good to us. But in doing that, that's why I'm creating everything I'm creating for women, because I didn't have community and every woman deserves to have that. And so for me, I'm creating that for women in the book club online. And yes, it is online. But what I'm doing is I'm helping women get back to their true self, which is your real community. And once you get back to her,
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (32:47.646)
your people are going to find you. It works that way. so I think it's a beautiful thing because it's such, especially for women, we're communal beings. you know, we show up in these spaces, whether it's online or in these groups or, you know, at work. And it's like, at least I did for a long time, I asked myself, like, who do these people need me to be? Or in any social situation, like,
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (33:16.824)
I don't want to go, but I'm supposed to be here. So what do I need to do in order to show up the way I'm supposed to? These questions I would constantly ask myself that once I realized and started spending more time, like, why am I doing that? Why do I care about this? Like, what if I just started to say no? What if, like, when that question came up, what if I just was like, I'm going to do what I want to do at this thing that I don't want to go to? And I started to show up and honor me.
And it's like, it sounds so cliche, you know, it really, really does. But for the women listening, like, just try it. It's free. It's easy. It's kind of, it's kind of scary to be honest. but I got you. Like that's where our community comes in. Cause we're doing it together. like you start to see when you stand up for what you believe in. And when you start to say, I don't want to go to dinner at eight o'clock anymore. I don't like how it makes me feel.
Like you might lose some people that are like, boring old lady, whatever, but you're going to find your five o'clock PM dinner crew. That's healthy. Like they will find you. And as silly as that sounds, I think you understand what I'm saying. You know how powerful that becomes. Cause then you're not, you're not going up to groups and trying to fit in. You're standing in, you're standing in your power and that energy is palpable and it's magnetic.
Yeah.
And that's living in alignment. then everything comes through you and to you. And that's flow, not force. And we deserve that.
Freddie Kimmel (34:51.15)
I think it's a great thing to remind. mean, I'm in this moment, I'm like, my goodness, there's so many times when again, it's as simple as asking. It's an invitation. It's changing the quality of the question. I'm, you know, this last, this last like two months, I've been working very passionately, but there are so many times when I'm like, dude, you shouldn't work today.
you know, but I'm like, deadline. I have to. You know, as opposed to saying, well, if I'm really my body's really asking for a full day off, you know, how does the the next day? How would that look? You know, and I think that's the gap because we don't know. We're like, maybe I show up with a 5x that day because I actually give my body, you know, a full recharge. It's really interesting.
Yeah. That's where, can we talk about brainwaves for a minute? Yeah, let's do that. love brainwaves. Me? Okay.
I've been I've been really in on I've been really thinking about One of the things I'm a huge believer of is as we've talked about subconscious mind. Yeah, and I've had like three guests mention Dr. Ryan Myers, this is out today. He just said, you know, you know when you say oh, what's what's Sally's name? What is her name? You know how it pops in like three days later? Yeah Subconscious is running that whole three days searching for that name and you're like, oh my god, it's Sally Johnson
Mm-hmm.
Freddie Kimmel (36:14.604)
He's like, in the same way, what we see with our chronic pain clinic is that when people are like, why can't I get better? Why is my body so bad? Why am I always having IBS? The body will find the answer to that question and put it into the physicality. I'm like right there with you. I'm fascinated by brain waves. Let's go.
100%. So I'm like,
Dr. Melissa Sonners (36:34.518)
Yeah, well and just to touch on that that is why the questions that you ask yourself when you wake up are very important So if everyone listening to this did one thing because I think even podcasts can be overwhelming You're like, I just learned ten things. What do I do? Yeah pick one thing so like maybe your one thing is is I'm just gonna start to listen to the questions that I that I play when I wake up. Mm-hmm So tomorrow when you wake up keep your eyes closed and just listen and just listen
and start to see where you're asking yourself and you will start to see why your life feels the way it feels. Why am I so behind? Why can't I catch up? no wonder I'm anxious. Interesting. Start to switch your question. What do you want more of? Right? So powerful. That's why gratitude practice works. What am I grateful for? You're going to find it. Right? Okay. So now let's relate this to brain sinking and brain wave flow because
When you said, you know, you're fried and you're busy, and if I could take a day off, you would feel better. But like, is that in your reality? Can you actually take a day off? And aligning with our brainwaves is how you feel like you did. So there's a few that I really love to talk about. Theta, alpha, beta, and delta. And this is like a daily rhythm.
Wait does it go? It goes low, if we're going low to high, go low to high for me. So we go. your daily flow.
I like to go daily daily flow. Yeah, so great warning tonight. Got it. Got it. I think is more important than great. And about frequencies. Perfect. Right. And I'm gonna give them a nickname. Yeah. And I have like a printable I should have brought you on I have a printable cheat sheet that tells you exactly what they are.
Freddie Kimmel (38:15.534)
sure we can have like my video editor we can cut in like the brainwave flow. Perfect. We'll do it.
Okay, so when you wake up, you are in theta, you're in theta, and then you go to alpha. And people who meditate for years work really hard to try to achieve alpha and theta. And you're in it when you wake up, we pull ourselves out by the things that we do. So I'm going to tell you what each one does, what the action step is to stay in because everyone's like, okay, what do I do? Even though a lot of them are like doing nothing.
And then how to get back in quickly when you need to. So this is great for someone who's like working really hard all day and you need that day off. You're in beta and you just need to work in some water breaks, which I'm going to teach you right now. So we wake in theta. Theta is like the subconscious voice and the action step in theta, if even for two minutes is to listen. And if you've ever heard someone say, get my best ideas in the shower. That's theta. Yeah.
or when you were just talking about your friend asking what's their name, what's their name and you get it, I would bet they were in theta when they got it. So theta is basically a direct channel to our subconscious, our intuition. If you believe in channeling, that's you hit that in theta source, God, that's theta. And so when we wake up, instead of going right onto our devices, because our digital will throw you into beta, which we'll talk about later.
or listening to a podcast or even listening to a meditation, like listening to everyone else in the world, but yourself, just get quiet and listen to you. And you might not like what you're hearing, to be honest. It might be that, I got a busy day. I can't do it. My grocery list. This lady's telling me to listen. What am I supposed to do? I need to make my to-do list for the day. Just listen, just listen. Cause this is how you start to tap in, get used to it so that later in the day you can access it. And we'll talk about that in a minute.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (40:19.534)
So for theta, you listen. So what does that look like in my life? When I wake up, I lay in my bed for a couple of minutes, or if people are new to this and they're afraid they'll fall back to sleep, then get out of your bed. I call it a sit spot, like create an anchor that you can go to in the morning. Red light only, no white light, because it'll pull you out of theta and just sit your butt down. And so just like if you were going to start to work out at like 6 a.m., you'd set out your workout clothes so you don't have to think about it, like have your sit spot.
I walk women through, think I have a video we can link. Here's what should be in your sit spots. You just saunter over there and you just sit down and you listen. Then you go into what's called alpha. Oh, sorry. So theta is like the daydreamer. Then you go into what's called
Yep. Late is where like most children spend a majority of the time.
And alpha. Okay. Yeah. Theta is what you're in if you're daydreaming. So you think about like, when is the last time you did that? You look around like if you're in the reception room of like a massage clinic, spa, doctor's office, like who's daydreaming? Everyone's staring at our phone, which puts you in beta. Okay, and we'll get to beta. So Theta's first, daydreamer, action step is listen. Two minutes checkoff is fine. If you can, like 10 minutes, amazing.
Yeah.
Freddie Kimmel (41:24.546)
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (41:35.674)
no judgment, no good, no bad. It's just listening to what's coming in. It's getting to know yourself again. Then alpha, which is the connector. This it's, it's getting you in your heart. This is really good for like brain heart coherence. This is where like for a morning ritual is where I would say journal. So it's, it's like giving voice or language to what you were hearing.
So again, no perfect way it has to look. could be like, that was really heavy. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. Why am I doing this? It could be, I'm grateful for it. could be whatever you want. Alpha is a flow state. This is where kids spend a lot of time. It's you're completely in the present moment and it comes with practice the more that we do it. A good thing to do for alpha is to play. And that's for the later in the day breaks. Okay, so now we'll go into beta.
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (42:29.612)
And I'm just kind of skimming over, but these are like one of the most powerful resources for your audience. cause this is huge. Then beta beta is our go getter and she's where we live. It's supposed to be like our nine to fiver, but we're living in her. Right. So when you look at your phone, you're in beta, you get pushed into beta the second you look at your phone. So if you wake up and your brain wants to be in theater alpha and you look at your phone, especially if you don't have a red light filter on it,
You hijack into beta. She's the go-getter. She can work nine to five. She can't work seven to 10. Like no wonder we're burnout, right? It's okay to run at that pace, but not for that long. What we need to do is we need to add in just like a marathon runner. If beta is our marathon runner, we need to give her some water breaks. And so the magic happens when we can start to practice theta and alpha.
And those become our water breaks during the nine to five day. So what does that look like? That can look like instead of, you know, if you're waiting somewhere in line at the grocery store, whatever, instead of grabbing your phone, like just, just look out, look expansively. It's very different. Just that field from looking at our phone. It feels really good to your brain. It gives your brain space so that it's not constantly being bombarded with information. Right? These things take
Yeah.
Freddie Kimmel (43:55.128)
Yeah.
30 seconds, they're a matter of an intention, information, like knowing what to do or not do and making the choice. And it's practice, right? But when you live a day in flow or even an hour in flow, you'll feel it. And it feels really good, right? It feels very different than the da da da da. But we can have both. It doesn't have to be one or the other. If you want to wake up and check your videos, like definitely have a red light filter on.
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (44:27.488)
won't throw you into beta as quickly.
I just don't need to I don't need to look at my
What do mean you don't need to? you don't. You don't. But also, like, this is where compassion and practice and you know that.
100%. I'm just, you know, it's so true. It's just, you know, honor, honor the harm hardware, you know, honor the software and how they operate together. And I think it's, you know, like you're saying, it's okay. But if I'm really being honest with myself, and I'm asking myself what I want, I want more.
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (44:51.31)
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (45:00.864)
Yeah. More what?
I want more joy, want more abundance, I want more community, want higher quality of life, so I'm gonna choose better practices than the phone in the morning. I just, I know what I want. So I'm willing to, what's the phrase I wanna use? I'm willing to...
Yeah.
I
Freddie Kimmel (45:25.6)
I'm using, I'm willing to get freedom from this. I'm willing to sacrifice that moment to have more freedom. Yeah.
It's a flex, right? And so knowing when you're doing it and for the people listening knowing when you're doing it You're gonna feel resistance. Yeah, and this is we make 30,000 conscious decisions a day, right and you're becoming very conscious of that choice I'm sure you have been conscious of that decision and thank you for being vulnerable, right? Because a lot of us have those things and we could pretend we don't like I'm good Okay, then I don't want to hang out with you
Yeah.
Freddie Kimmel (45:57.614)
None of us are. Right? Yeah, we're figuring it out.
But in order to simplify that in our busy lives, I like to talk about setting like your North Star. So what is it that you want? You want alignment, you want joy, you want freedom. Me too, right? We have it all by being at all. So figure out that state. What do you want it to feel like? Because no matter what you look at, like marketing, when they're like, the vacation, the life, they're selling a feeling.
So don't identify like, want the house. I want the dream house. Like, what will the dream house feel like when you get it? And you set that as your beacon. You set that as your compass, right? And then all your decisions, like the, the decision matrix I like to talk about is listening to your intuition, your inner voice, because it told you, you don't need this cup of coffee. You don't need to check your videos. So listen, then it's your nervous system. Does this feel good or not?
and your values. And so it helps you not only set the distance, set the setting, but to like keep you onto the path of least resistance. Because when we're not clear, we can get pulled into anything. And when you have people in your life that you're like, how are they doing it all and being at all? And why are they so lucky? You know, they're in alignment. And when you're in alignment, like you're going to get to that thing.
And it might not be the way that you thought it was going to happen. And yours might not look like mine's not going to look like yours, right? But you'll get there to your version of it and stuff's going to come to you. But if you're looking at your phone, you're not going to see it. Yeah. It's luck is when hard work meets opportunity. would say luck is when clear direction. Meets inner guidance, nervous system regulation and core values. It's alignment.
Freddie Kimmel (47:50.286)
100 % that's It's so cool, did I tell have I ever told you I used to do music theater like before
It's cool,
Dr. Melissa Sonners (47:57.838)
I saw that yeah, and you were in Billy Elliot and
Phantom and all those things, but I just had a, you know, you'd walk into a room with like 500, a thousand people and they'd be like, guys, we need one guy. And you know, I had a lot of auditions where I was the one guy.
They chose you. Yeah. huh. Out of a huge crowd.
huge crowd and I remember being in the room you know it's like a big open call and you'd have a bunch of people go fuck this I'm going home I'm gonna go we're gonna go get lunch
I'll never be the one. I'll never get chosen.
Freddie Kimmel (48:31.118)
And so it's really interesting not having any awareness. had no, I did not, this was not part of my world, really. Not really. You know, it was very much like white knuckling it and working myself to exhaustion. And when everybody else was going out for drinks, I was studying sides or I was spending my last few dollars on an extra voice listener, whatever. Work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work. Pure dedication, right? I willed it.
But a lot of those times in the room, there was no joy. It was like you rob yourself of the magic of the experiential moment. When we white-knuckle it. And sometimes I look back at those times and like, man, I wish I was a little more present. Because that was some cool shit, right? There's a cool sandbox playing.
Yeah, yeah, it's really really interesting. I just had a friend come over yesterday from we were on the Phantom tour together and I've not seen her in seven years and she showed up she's like I'm in Austin I was like come sauna and do an ice bath and I talked her into her first ice bath and she's like, you know after being a dancer my hips are really hurting I'm like, where she's like on my labor my stepped in my torrent, you know
doing this concert and she's like, I don't dance anymore. So it's not a big deal. I'm like, let me bring into the back room. We'll shock wave you. We're going to do the tenant and then I'm gonna put you on the PMF pad. And it was so fun. She's like, I had, I'm so grateful. I had no idea I was going to come to your house and like sweat and do cold. And I like, don't have any pain when I'm walking right now. And it was so fun to experience. Like I got to time travel back to that community and like she got to experience like a lot of the newness.
that's happened over the last five to 10 years. Yeah, and I woke up just feeling so grateful for that moment. It was really, really wild. And none of that would have happened without the morning stillness or the awareness that you're saying. So those things are, I'm visited by those feelings and those realities in my stillness. Would I just get up and just go again? I find we rob ourselves of the magic of the day sometimes.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (50:44.684)
Yeah. And I would, you know, I'd also argue like you wouldn't be where you are today if, that version of yourself didn't exist the way that it did. Right. Right. Right. Right. It's again, it's like knowing, yeah, I wish I was more present and now I get the opportunity to, and I wouldn't enjoy it as much. Yeah. Had I not had the contrast. Yeah. I, I get that. And for me, it's a constant. Yeah. You know, it's a constant reminder. Yeah. Cause hustle culture is fun.
I
Dr. Melissa Sonners (51:13.806)
That's fun. Dopamine feels good. It does. And for us manifesting generators, like, it's, it's who we are. I don't know human design as well, but I'm pretty sure that's the one I am. For me as a seven, I'm like, ideas, action, go, create. I'm like, I have this one life in this, in this space, right? I do believe in reincarnation. But for me, I want to create, like, I want to make a ripple and an impact. And so
I think it's the marriage of both.
Yeah. Do you ever get like a download or a feeling or a hit of like, I've been here before, I've seen a pattern unfold like this and another life.
it happens to me more with people. There's like a magnetic like I have absolutely been here with you before. Yeah. It's happened with places that will feel like home, even though I've never been there, but it's more people to me. How about you? Yeah. People.
Okay.
Freddie Kimmel (52:03.625)
Freddie Kimmel (52:14.38)
Yeah.
people in places, experiences. Yeah. Yeah. I've had some, I've had some wild experiences. I had a wild, wild mushroom journey one time where I was just like, I saw another life and another, I was like a vaudeville tap dancer and it was so real. I mean, it was profound. I was just like, my God. And all the little thing, the hats I like to wear. like, this is weird.
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (52:41.472)
It is, you know, I'm a fan of getting outside of our linear minds in whatever way that looks for you. And I've had some pretty cool experiences. You know, for me, I'm, I'm a cycle breaker and I come from a long line of pain and heartache. And I've seen through sitting in deep meditation and through having some journeys and experiences, I've seen the, the side of men on my family that have come before me.
and kind of like what they came here to do and their role they played in it and now handing the baton to me as a woman of the heart. And I just think there's so much beauty in getting in touch with that, whether it's like sitting in meditation, listening to your intuition, connecting. It makes everything feel more magical, right? Because we're human beings having this crazy experience and...
to slow down and like zoom out and get out of the doing, doing, and realize there's like so much more going on here than we give credit to. Yeah. 90 % of the day, you know, and this could look like watching your child play. Like I love, I love watching my kids like just be in it, be in that alpha heart space. It's like, that's what we're here for. We're here for community and connection. And at the end of the day, who cares if you had the coffee or didn't have the coffee in.
Yeah. Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (54:05.952)
Who cares if the video did great or didn't do great. It's like, what impact is what we're doing having on everyone. And I think the impact that we have on everyone is determined by personally how in alignment we are. Because that's when you can fully be present with someone in front of you. Right. And that's when you create connections. And that's when you catch that person who maybe just needed a smile today. Yeah. Or that's when you hear that
message or synchronicity or that woman's name pops in. You know, that's when the magic of life happens. And I've heard you say like, it's not the magic isn't out there, it's in you. And I think that's how we get back to remembering that and feeling.
100 % 100 % so you have a book coming out. I do are you so stoked about it?
I am. Yeah, I am. I you know, I think looking back like there were these movie scenes I saw growing up. Do you ever like that song that hits you? Yeah, that you feel or you cry. So there is there is this scene in Sister Act two that I saw when I was 12. And whoopi Goldberg was talking to Lauryn Hill and Lauryn Hill was like, I'm not here to sing. I'm not a singer, but like she's fighting it because she wanted to sing.
are certain songs.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (55:22.378)
and Whoopi Goldberg, which she's kind of gone off the rails, but Whoopi Goldberg was like, you know, if you wake up and all you can think about is writing, you're a writer. She was quoting a passage from Letters to a Young Poet. And when she said that, I just bawled. I remember bawling when I was 12. And I was like, I'm not a writer. I'm a gymnast, right? And now it's like coming back home to myself and doing all these things. I'm a fucking writer. Yeah.
And I wrote a book and I am so excited to birth this thing into the world. It's called The Connection Code. And I wrote it with Hay House for Hay House, which is like my dream publishing house. And it comes out in the spring. So fun. Yeah. So fun. Yeah. And I've got a ton of free resources for your audience. So all the stuff we talked about. Great. Two-minute tools, resources, like I you.
Yeah, amazing. amazing. I, I want to get your I want to get the morning. I'm gonna, we're gonna do a like a bonus five minute clip. I want to get your morning routine and walking people through your morning anchor. Yeah, that sounds so profound for
Yeah. Yeah. And we'll put some B roll in there. By the way, if you have kids like my kids are in it too. great. They I was like, I can't do this with my kids, but I got to do it. Yeah. It was my compass. said it. So those things come up and you're like, I'm still moving in that direction. And now they do it too, which is so beautiful.
so beautiful. Yeah, my some of my some of my nieces and nephews do yoga, they do meditation. Yeah, there's
Dr. Melissa Sonners (56:50.04)
Like they're doing it without doing it. They're doing it their form. We're doing it in like, no, I'm going to sit and do yoga.
Yeah. Yeah, it's really wild. Where did you live in Jersey? Livingston. Okay, my last I had a place in Union City. Like, right about to go into the tunnel, like overlook in the city was my last home. So wild. Jersey is so dirty. Talk about
Livingston.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (57:04.078)
Oh yeah, not too far, I think that was like 20 minutes. Right.
Freddie Kimmel (57:18.861)
not bad.
Freddie Kimmel (57:24.738)
cap. But yeah, the number of plants and like factories. It's just so why. So why
Yeah. Now we live in Miami by the ocean. I'm like, this is good.
It's stunning. I love the water. I'm such a water kid. So the book's coming out. Can people go do presale? Can they go reserve a copy?
you? Yeah, not yet. That'll happen later in the fall. Okay, we'll make sure to keep your audience tapped in. But in the meantime, I'm just like seeding like sharing. Great. Pretty much every month I have like a new two minute super easy resource. Great. Every month I have a book of the month we're using is kind of like our base. I don't care if women read the book with us or not. I would say throw it your bag and like
just hang with us. But yeah, I have a ton of stuff leading up to that that's going to be really fun.
Freddie Kimmel (58:15.2)
Amazing, amazing. So beautifully broken podcast. Melissa, what does it mean to you to be beautifully broken?
Hmm, it's being human being imperfect. It's like I think for so long, a lot of us are afraid to show up as our true selves. Because you're afraid to not be accepted. And so you're aiming for like perfection. And you know, in doing that, all we're creating is disconnection. And so to me, beautifully broken is like, it's just showing up as who we are, and the right people are going to come into our lives. It's easy.
Yeah.
It can be scary. It can be scary because it's really vulnerable to be like, here's who I truly am and run the risk of people not liking you. Because none of us want that. But it's also like when you courageously take those steps, the other side is so beautiful.
Agreed. And you get to wave a magic wand and turn in all the cell phones to channel Dr. Melissa. What would you, in this time of like, we could say we're a little divided right now, as a world, what would you say to people right now? If you could tune in everybody's phone to your channel.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (59:28.489)
I would say if you could do one thing while you're here on this planet, like get back to who you came here to be and everything else will follow through that. And that's the work I really think that we're here to do because then, I mean, you're calling, right? Like you're calling, you're serving a higher purpose comes through you.
Yeah. Get back to who you were meant to be. Thank you for being a guest on the Beautifully Broken podcast. A pleasure. All right. We love you guys. Thank you for tuning in. We'll have show notes and links for Melissa so you can follow and check out all the amazing stuff she's putting out into the universe. Big love.
Thank you.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (01:00:09.934)
Thanks guys!
Freddie Kimmel (01:00:14.51)
All right, Dr. Melissa, so for biological blueprint, our interview is fire. I'm going to link it for the course, but I would love to know if you could help anchor us with your get out of bed morning anchor ritual, which I thought was so resonant and in alignment.
Yes, absolutely. So we were talking about this because I came from a place of rooting in a morning routine and it didn't serve me and it overstimulated and got me sick. And I think a lot of people start their mornings similar ways, hopping up, checking in the emails, turning on the lights, getting ahead of the day. Right. And so we're going to give you a morning routine to anchor in, but it's going to be a very different, it's going to be a very different morning ritual. And
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (01:00:59.982)
The result from this is going to be nervous system alignment. You're going to get it all done, but you're going to like the way that you feel as you do it. This is going to get you to the end of the day. You're going to lay your head on a pillow, on your pillow. And like for all the ladies out there that we put the head on the pillow and we're like, did I not do this right? Did I yell at my kids? Did I, da, da, da? You're not going to have that anymore. So this is a five minute warning. can.
absolutely be a lot longer, but I created this as a mom of three. So I needed it to be easy and I needed it to be effective. Ideally, it's longer, but never miss even if it's two minutes. All right. And I love to sync it with brain waves, which we can link or resource, but we're basically going to live in alignment with the way that our brain, our brain waves flow throughout the day so that this is going to feel really good. We're not overtaxing our nervous system.
which would lead to feeling frazzled, stressed, fried, and not knowing why. So first thing, when your brain wakes up in the morning, whether you wake to an alarm or not, create an awareness and listen. This is where you get really good insight into the stories that you're telling yourself. This is where you get insight into why am I feeling so anxious or stressed during the day? Well, if you wake to certain questions subconsciously, like how am going to get it all done?
Why do I have this much on my plate? I hate my life. Right. If that's how you start your day, you're going to, you're going to create more of that throughout. So create an awareness. is theta brain waves. So just listen also in the age of like podcasts, emails, YouTube videos, like instead of hopping right on and listening to someone else, this is where we get back to listening to our own inner voice. Cause the more we can connect with that, the more we have all the answers and guidance that we need at any time.
anywhere for free. What I suggest people do is they saunter sleepily over to what I like to call their morning sit spot. So you can have a ton of fun with this. You can make it a whole thing or you can keep it super simple. This is just where you're going to go in the morning so that you don't fall back to sleep in your bed. So if you're someone who has to get out to even hear those questions without falling back to sleep, get out and go to your sit spot. And your sit spot, the biggest thing I say is just no white or blue light in your sit spot.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (01:03:21.58)
That's going to pull us right into like go, go, go mode, stress amps, get stuff done. We don't want to hit that yet. We will. and so this spot we're going to sit in for at least a couple minutes. I have red light in mine. I've got some great, like just super cheap red light bulbs from Amazon. Over the years, I've accumulated some toys and tech there. So I've got like a therapeutic red light, which I know we all love.
They're great. I've got a PEMF mat, which I love, but like you don't have to have any of this. Everything you need is here. So it's simply a spot. could be a pillow candle is great to light. but that's it. So go to your sit spot. And then this is where, you know, you can have some things in your spot that you have access to if needed to anchor you. Right. So great things are a candle. If you light a candle and look at the flame, puts you into alpha brainwave.
Alpha brainwave is, it can create like brain and heart coherence. It's a flow state. It regulates our nervous system. You can like cheat and get into alpha by looking at a flame. If you've ever looked at a bonfire, that's alpha. So if you wake up and you're like, this is great. I want to do this, but I'm sitting here and my brain's like, what am I doing? I'm wasting my time. I need to get stuff done. Look at a flame. It's a flicker. Yeah. Cause it's just going to help drop your brainwaves down a little bit.
flicker rate of that candle.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (01:04:47.534)
I love to read a book during this time. There's some great clip on your book. They're called Amber Book Lights so that you're not like blasting white light. And it'll keep you in that theta and alpha like kind of nervous system regulated state. So reading a book is really great. Definitely a paper book, not a digital, right? Like not grabbing the Kindles and all that. And actually like from a functional neurological perspective, the way you move your eyes across the page slowly from left to right,
And then quickly from right to left, just like you do when you're reading, it activates part of your brain called your corpus callosum. It balances both sides of your brain, which is just going to equal feeling regulated. Those times when you're just like, everything feels really good. Like life just feels easy. My body feels good. That's when your hemispheres are balanced. Right? So reading is really good. Journaling is really good. Right? Sitting there and writing out your thoughts, connecting to what's going on in my head, what's going on in my life.
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (01:05:45.472)
Maybe some goal setting, whatever it is, you know, just again, tapping back into your voice instead of everybody else's. Hydration is huge, right? Grabbing some water, maybe some apple cider vinegar, something alkalizing is great to do during this time. And then from there, what I do personally is, you know, we do have busy days, all of us, right? And so the last step of my morning ritual or routine is to chunk my to-do list.
Yep.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (01:06:13.71)
it makes it easier to tackle, right? So I'll do like the things I need to do the whether they're like emails, errands, outings, connections, you know, like chunk it by activity rather than going from email to then I'm food prepping and then I'm on a zoom. Yes. And then I'm cleaning or you know, like chunking them by activity is super powerful. Yeah. So I used to call my morning my power hour. And now I call it my morning lounge.
And the last thing I'll say is as a mom of three kids for so long, what got in the way, what was my excuse is my kids need me in the morning. I can't do this, right? I need to get up before them to have this time and be ready for when they wake up. Well, the beautiful thing I saw is I started to do this and I held tight to it. Like I knew how important it was for me and my nervous system and my health. My kids do it too.
So my daughter asks me, you wake me up at 530? That's the time I get up so that I can meditate with you, whatever that word means, right? To her, just means we're laying together. We're cuddling under the red light. She falls back asleep. So it's a morning lounge and it creates this whole like beautiful vibe and setting in her home that you can't help, but just like, we actually have the same setting at night. our day is anchored with this nervous system.
Yeah.
Dr. Melissa Sonners (01:07:38.092)
regulation and it doesn't have to cost a thing. It's just a choice and intention. Beautiful. Yeah, you're so welcome.
Thank you for sharing. Yeah, big love.
