From Suicide’s Shadow to 2,560 Miles of Hope: Alex Bradley’s Next Step

WELCOME TO EPISODE 256

This episode is not just a conversation—it's a soul-stirring experience. Alex Bradley joins the podcast to share his deeply personal journey of heartbreak, spiritual deconstruction, and the reclamation of purpose. From waking up at 4:20 AM to coach fitness classes to leading impactful events and walking alongside others in their healing, Alex brings raw honesty and contagious energy to the mic.

We explore how movement is more than physical—it's a pathway to presence, healing, and transformation. Alex opens up about losing his faith, navigating divorce, and enduring the devastating loss of his best friend AJ to suicide. These moments, while breaking him open, became the foundation for his most ambitious and heart-led mission yet: The Next Step Movement—a 100-day, 2,560-mile walk from Austin, TX to Oregon City, OR.

Alex's story will move you, challenge your perspectives, and invite you to reconnect with your body, your purpose, and your community. Tune in to discover how one step at a time can change everything.

Episode Highlights:

[01:09] - Alex's early morning routine and what fuels his passion for fitness and movement
[01:58] - The "aha" moment when a client connects to their body and the joy of transformation
[05:52] - Breaking down fitness myths and how balance and awareness are more powerful than aesthetics
[13:13] - The beauty of community learning and how witnessing others can reflect our own patterns
[15:45] - Growing up in leadership and stepping into a role of service from an early age
[23:31] - Deconstructing faith and walking away from ministry to seek authentic alignment
[31:31] - The devastating loss of his best friend AJ and how it became the catalyst for the Next Step Movement
[46:10] - The logistics, route, and purpose behind Alex's 2,560-mile walk across the country
[55:55] - Where to follow the journey and how you can walk, support, or donate

Links & Resources:

The Next Step Movement Website - https://thenextstepmovement.com

Follow Alex Radley on Instagram (@walkingwithab) - https://instagram.com/walking_with_ab

The Next Step Movement on Instagram - https://instagram.com/the_next_step_movement

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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Freddie Kimmel (00:01.549)
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Beautifully Broken Podcast. We're back. We're back with Alex Radley. Welcome to the show. Honored to be here. I'm so glad. So this is your second time at the ranch, at the Howdy House Ranch. Yeah. It is always amazing to figure out where to park, but know that you have a spot to show up to, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Alex, what was your morning like?

Well this morning I got to get up at 420 in the morning and wash my face, look at myself directly in the mirror and then head to Correct Fitness to coach at 5 a.m. Had a packed out class and then proceeded to train a client at the gym, make a few phone calls, get a few bits of social media and branding out for the...

coming up and it's kind of been checking off boxes with more on my plate than I thought, but a full appetite for everything that's on there. Yeah. Yeah. What is, what is the thing that lights up in you when you work with people, work with bodies, work in the world of fitness? Man, that's such a good question. and it's like, it's, it's this moment when someone can see a movement, a pattern or

concept with how their body navigates gravity and they get it and there's just a moment it could be 5 a.m. it could be the worst day on the planet but they've set a time aside to work with me or to work with themselves moreover and the lunge feels less painful or the knee that gave them so many issues for so many years they finally have a moment

that feels not only pain free, but like they have the ability to do the thing. And once you see someone do that and carry it over, it's a fun initial moment, but then that six months of where it gets murky on the control of that, seeing someone actually master that where you know that they're gonna be better off because of that intentional time that you were able to facilitate, it's just so cool to watch. Because so many people end up with,

Freddie Kimmel (02:08.678)
negative connotation to a movement or a pattern or an effort that they have to give that they're not used to doing yeah, so seeing that environment create actual change is It's it's like the feeling that most Christians or religious people would say when they're like I like the Holy Spirit moment where you're just like my gosh Like this is why I'm here. Yeah Yeah, I can feel your excitement, but I can also feel

Like that is a great, it's a great visual on what community feels like to be in relationship with somebody, engaging in and finding purpose in the world. Yeah, yeah. It's a moment where there's nothing more important than figuring that out, even though that there's so many other stresses that humans go through. You know, like they've still got the email, still, they couldn't be going through a breakup, but they still found a way to walk into the gym and they're waiting.

for this grandiose feeling to propel them into the gym or into the next movement or the next evolution of themselves. And the reality is it's in that decision to do that and then seeing what happens on the other side of that step. And luckily I've got a great community and some great influences on my life where I can facilitate that, cultivate that in the gym and participate in even my own journey where it's.

You don't have to feel special and once everyone knows that it doesn't feel that great to initiate, you're allowed to then be in that space and make it something versus it just being something on a to-do list. Yeah, so it's, we were just chatting downstairs about, know, what an interesting time to be alive. There's so much information. I always say people drowning in information. They're starving for knowledge. The fitness space is,

stranger to that. you know you you get on I was just looking at a post this morning of a guy I know a friend and he was comparing his body to somebody else. He's like look all I do is eat eggs and milk and cheese and I look like this and this other guy does this millions of dollars and so and and while it's a viable way to create a story I was I also thought you know you're comparing aesthetics what what's happening under the hood I was like should we look at

Freddie Kimmel (04:26.694)
blood, we look at insulin management, should we look at telomere length, should we look at a scan of your brain, prefrontal cortex, see how that's fire. There's a lot, right? So how do you help people navigate the world that's just so wrought with influence and opinions? It's like, where do you start people? That's one of my biggest statements, and it's always evolving in this sense, but...

I think sometimes people look for the marathon medal or look for the squat max or look for the aesthetic that is in someone else's life. And the biggest thing that I always say, and I used to say it in PT is sometimes you're looking for, you know, the pain free knee, but you haven't looked at walking to your mailbox. And sometimes like you don't need it to be anything more than something a little bit better.

than what you knew before, and a little bit more effort than what you knew before, I think movement is one of the biggest medicines and one of the most applicable and free items that someone has the ability to use, and one of the biggest paint brushes to paint the picture of your life. And there is so many things in this body that we're never gonna fully understand, but we can navigate and track and see all these things that are going on.

to optimize things, but the simplest place to start is the initiation of the progression. And usually that begins with a step. And I begin showing people that the most basic sense is how's your balance? How's standing on one leg? And why does that matter? It's not gonna get you jacked, but if you stood on one leg and brushed your teeth and everybody did that, we'd have a much longer...

in higher quality of life across the board. And if you can get someone legitimately, I take them to the first step. What is it like to load a leg, to weight shift? And all the mechanisms involved in that. And once they feel themselves hold the ground, then you can start playing the game of gravity. until that, until people understand that almost everybody's like, if you can't appreciate a standing on one leg, you won't appreciate a sprint. You won't appreciate a squat. And then they'll lose its value.

Freddie Kimmel (06:43.613)
And some people need to be brought back down to stand, shift to one leg, load that leg, appreciate the fact that it's able to barrel this way, all these joints are doing this thing. You're not even conscious half the time. You're just slamming the leg into the ground and moving. But this body has so many things ready to utilize, but we have to be aware of how to manage it. And that takes quieting things down and just.

shifting to left, shifting to right, not asking why is this wrong, but more like what's, what's happening. The curiosity versus the self deprecation in the fitness world is immense. Cause you're, you're going to look at, like we said, we looked at the guy with the eggs and the abs. That's awesome. That's super cool. That's also his life. And we're never going to be in that body. And until we appreciate our body as one of the most valuable things that we have to optimize our health, it is the thing.

So like if you can't operate it, it's not to be downgraded or that you're less than it's what mode of opportunity, what movement is gonna make you get the highest level of success so that we can go to the next thing, go to the next thing. And that's a long road, but it is as simple as taking a step. Yeah. I have so many fitness questions for you and I didn't think we're gonna talk about wellness and fitness and body mechanics today, but I was just, a friend was saying that she came over, she did a tech here called shockwave and it's a,

It's a device. It's very much like a mechanical gun. There's a pellet inside. It's creating an audible wave. It helps break up calcium in the knee. And she had done a session. She was, my God, it's, it's, there's no crepitus. It's not creaky anymore. And then went away. She's like, well, it went, it went away and I think it got worse. I was like, I don't think that, I think you probably opened up some mobility extra space. It was like, let me just show you one exercise. So we did these things. My favorite is like a star excursion. One leg balance. You touch your heel, heel, out front.

to the side, to the back, crossover back. And I watched her do it two times. was like, I was like, what's your foot doing right now? And she was like, what do you mean? I'm like, your big toe quit. And her big toe is literally like, it was like, it rolls in, it rolls in. wasn't doing, I was like, that big toe is so important. And she was just like, oh my, it's just the big toe. She was like, did one round. She was like, I feel way better. One little toe. And I think that like,

Freddie Kimmel (09:07.664)
Kind of like you said down in the kitchen that this optimizations biohacking is a sense of like it's a lifestyle. can't be fully appreciated until you're almost like nauseous of the stuff and then you break it down again and like

people will have pain in their hip and their knee or in their ankle, and it may be something above or below that joint. And that's not something to be upset about. Well, I thought the pain was here. Why is it there versus how cool is it that we know where to make it a little less? Cause some people look for perfection and decreased pain or no pain versus like, what if we understood why it felt that way? What if we could change that intensity a little lower? Yeah.

Because if there was another way for us just to be like, it would be awesome.

I don't know. I snapped right then and it me so scared. With your snap. Let's just check. It could be on an energy saver mode. That was super cool. That was wild. Kids at home. was bright on, yeah. You guys may not have seen that. The screen went completely black right on the snap. Felt like Thanos. Oh my God, that's amazing. Well, at least we know the interview is not gonna go away. I had that happen to me one time in an event and they had all these cameras around and all of sudden it like three minutes in. I was like, are we getting

because I'm giving you a lot of good stuff I got a good angle here all but

Freddie Kimmel (10:33.127)
Yeah, it was just a software issue. I also want to go into this, where do you work in Austin? And like with the body, how do you work with people? Where does that happen? So, formerly known as Onnit Gym, I'm correcting myself, i.e. correct fitness now. They switched the name and it Are you kidding me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Onnit changed? Yeah, Onnit Gym changed its name to correct fitness. So, with a K, which is incorrect.

but that's, know, I like to make jokes about it because it's funny. But it's a sense of, it's the gym that I walked into that I train at, usually five a.m. to around 1.30, and I used to be a physical therapist assistant, and so that's a lot of my background knowledge from looking at skilled nursing facilities, inpatient rehab, the common outpatient surgeries that happen at certain ages. And so you just look down that road. So then I've applied that in the,

facility of correct formally on it. then my

that's A to B fitness. And so a chance to work on site with a community such as that, that was a place that I walked into that we'll get into on like just showing up and literally doing that same thing of like, what's my next step? What do I do? And then in my garage, it's kind of like a mini correct or mini on it in the sense of we have kettlebells, maces, tools, and...

That's more or less where I train. And there's been several events, more or less those two entities and I love one-on-one.

Freddie Kimmel (12:08.489)
because of the diligence, but I love the group classes because of the intensity and the energy. And that can't be understated. So many people try to nitpick on like what's optimal versus like, don't forget to make it fun. Like community is the heart, like it's what we do. You can do a curl and you can be doing it perfectly, but you're next to someone doing a curl and you will do another curl. you do. Yeah, It's special group learning. Biological Blueprint, which we're launching August 23rd is

Rolling admission and the the live calls every month are gonna be community calls nice Option to like go off and work one-on-one, but I do think There's magic in the room and you get other people also Witnessing other people's patterns, you know, sometimes we can't see our own and when you see it in somebody else you're like, I do that. Yeah

Yeah, that's so true. listen to somebody else's self-talk, right? And you're like, that's what he means. Yeah. And you're ready to fix it too. Yeah. Which is kind of funny. You look at them and if you haven't, then that's a, it's a, it's a mirror type thing. Cause then you're like,

Well, yeah, but Eddie could answer this email a little better if he did this and you're like, have I checked my email? Yeah. Or, or, or moreover, like have I talked to myself that way? Like you're saying, like it is weird because like, then I'll know, that's me. I'm actually wanting to fix that in me. They may not be. And, but that's also the beauty of inflow and the vice versa is you see someone's patterns in a good way and you're like, I want to emulate a piece of that. And the choice being able to do that, not the influence happening. And then like, what happened? Yeah.

they have. I was with this perfect. This is a perfect pivot because when you got on the stage at our house and just so everybody knows, we've been hosting these events called Open Spaces at the House where if you've never been to Austin, Texas to my house, come. Yeah, you definitely should come. We have a great little community here. It's a cool three house property. There's a tiny home. There's an air stream. There's a stage up front. We got a big sauna. We got a wellness room. But we've been hosting these community

Freddie Kimmel (14:16.666)
dinners in collaboration with Open Spaces, which is really a wonderful company in which my friend Kate and Alex started. It's a space to be heard. It's almost like, think of it like dinner with 50 strangers, a live podcast, and then you have an opportunity to connect authentically with other human beings who you would never know. And the first one I went to, I had said, I could easily have passed all these Austinites in Whole Foods or grocery store.

or wherever your restaurant of choice and never have known how magical some of these human beings were. You really get to meet your community and then you have this context of listening to a story and you came to the house and you shared your story on the stage and it was like the second you started going I was like...

this guy's like, you need to be on stage speaking. You're just a great speaker. You know you. You've done enough work. And you're young, yes? 30. 30. I don't know if you're able to. There's a 1994 tattoo right here. there's, you know, just my mom's really proud of that. yeah, I don't know what way to feel age-wise. I feel younger and older and I feel like I was acting older when I was younger. Yes. I don't know.

that's right, but I know that I've been here for 30 years so far. Do you feel like you're an old soul? you ever get the premonition that sometimes maybe there's been other lifetimes where you've experienced some of these things in your life? I'm a very experienced the theory before I start claiming it, but as a young kid that was always a thing, but moreover,

frustratingly you kind of learn to accept that you can either see the patterns happening or you're aware enough to call your own ish out. And it's so uncomfortable to do so, but that does make me feel that connection to a previous life. I've never seen those things or witnessed those things have been like, that's who I was. But again, only being here 30 years on this planet, it feels as though I've been here for eons and the ache of the

Freddie Kimmel (16:35.719)
human experience to be understood and welcomed versus fought with and wrestled with is like, I don't know. I remember when I was like eight years old, I looked at the stars and I was like, that's eternity. What does that mean? And then trying to cope with that. And then whenever you're eight and doing that, you and proceed on, you can have any beautiful shiny pearl on the planet, but it still doesn't compete with like the.

of the human experience. And I chase that. Like, it's my heartbeat. Because if people can take the breath of the present moment over the things that they have to reach for, like we talked about on that jet plane, like, they'll realize they're as deep as me. All I'm doing is calling out cool stuff that I'm experiencing in life and wanting to feel it before it's so far gone past me that I'm like, I wish I would remember my friends.

Like I'd rather be too sympathetic. I'd rather be too empathetic. And I used to think that was a, it was a terrible tool when I was younger. Cause as a guy and as guy that was pretty buff, that was one thing that like my emotions were always present and people would knock them and be like they're too much. But that's also like because they don't know how to do that. And I've learned to like own that and like that does make me feel older because like I'm okay with accepting the absurdity of this world and the beauty of

same time, not a concrete black and

But that to say, I feel like an old soul, because I felt like I was just on a rocking chair explaining that. Yeah, Yeah, when I, before I, I didn't know anything about your story. But I was like, you started to talk, I was like, man, this guy could be like, like a, I, well, A, the qualities of leadership were present when you were speaking. And I was like, has he been a mentor? Has he been a minister? Yeah. And you got into your story a little bit. So can you, can you walk us in? Where, where did you first experience kind of that leadership mentorship in your life?

Freddie Kimmel (18:26.007)
Well, I think the first time was really we drive to school my mom would turn back to us and she was my principal and she would say one of your roles and she would say it in various ways it was this sense of like you're an example of me and if anyone is feeling a certain way it's your opportunity to make them feel welcome it's your opportunity like and it's your job like this is this is what you do as my son this is what you do as my like as caring our last name and that

was in sports, like it was always like no matter whose fault it is, it's yours. In a way that put the responsibility on me but also gave me this opportunity that like a handshake and a smile go so far. And then knowing that through that I would get people's not necessarily like following but people would want to follow the statement or the cheer and then

a lot of sports. became the captain of football teams. I became like the FCA president. I started to serve in my youth group and went through some Christian doctrine and searching for that. And I don't do things subtly, I've realized as an older guy. So when I find something that I'm passionate about, I run into it and...

people love somebody that they see the fire in, and learning to utilize that. was like, one of the things that put me in leadership roles was to be like, I'm not perfect, but we're gonna be excited and we're gonna do this thing. We're gonna figure it out because why not? We just dreamed it, so let's make it happen. Yeah, talk to me about your leadership role in...

Is it the Christian church? Yeah. So it was, so I grew up and started going to a Southern Baptist church. It originally was Episcopal and then started going to a Southern Baptist church and the, the youth group was great. The interactions with everybody was awesome. And I was allowed to lead, various small groups in homes and

Freddie Kimmel (20:22.532)
it helped run events in the schools, helped kind of be the ambassador. And then at 15 or 16, I took over like sixth and seventh grade groups and would run some of the high school groups, run some of the FCA's. And it was just because I was the guy that was the most passionate and the most fiery. So it would be leading events and particularly more than those events. The thing that made me such a good leader is the fact that I knew my job.

My job wasn't to be the speaker. My job wasn't to be the con, the,

the epicenter of the moment, it was to be of service. And that means you don't necessarily get all the glory, but that does mean at the end of those events and at the most critical moments, you're sitting with those individuals that just barely got there and you listen, you sit and you listen, you don't fix it. And particularly in that Christian church, I would sit with things that didn't necessarily follow always into the doctrine. But if this kid, this individual, this human being is walking in and presenting their ache and pain and it fits outside the context,

of the doctrine that you're teaching, you don't shun that, you almost welcome that opportunity to sit there. And so like, really it would be, you know, checking in on people, going to those high schools, sitting with those kids at lunch, reaching out to people. And that was so much easier to do naturally than like...

Hope this email finds you well. And as I was getting into the job field, that's what made me such a good leader. Because when you care about people, doing the thing's easy. When it's an altruistic reason and you're going to show up at the hospital, just do it. And then as I became a physical therapist assistant as well, you sit in those same broken moments but in physical pain and in moments that aren't changing. You're sitting there with all the knowledge and everyone's praying for cancer to leave and it's not. Or Parkinson's leave and it's not.

Freddie Kimmel (22:11.054)
the masks off people. Nobody's fake in those moments. that's what I would always chase. So I think that made me a leader because it helps people get, I led with the vulnerability of like, there's nothing wrong. We're going to have this awkward moment together. And the speaking, the event planning, the standing on stages are all awesome. But that...

but luckily I wouldn't chase that as much. But those were the pieces of those leaderships. But it's helping people feel seen more than anything. And that was big. Yeah. And what was the catalyst that changed your relationship with the church and your role in the ministry?

several moments that I think weathered my faith. I had a friend get hit by a semi and his name was Trey Calca, was a fantastic person and we sat in that hospital room with a bunch of my friends and we prayed and was reading scripture and really wrestled with the God of miracles and the expectation of God to actually change the moment versus experiencing it and that's older me talking right now but back then you know I was sitting

twisting my steering wheel and punching the steering wheel. My knuckles were bleeding. My wife at the time, we would just stay in the hospital and we would struggle with this God not doing the thing that a lot of these Christians stated. And so then there's this like, I needed God to show up and he didn't, it didn't, she didn't, whatever. That's again, older Alex talking in the sense of how I believe now. But like, so you're sitting in that wake and you're wrestling with your scripture and if you're genuinely doing that,

It's really uncomfortable because you're looking at words that are supposed to be literal and you're reading through it all and then you're consciously trying to think of a God that would do X, Y or Z versus what is this human trying to explain about their God in that time or in that moment or in this.

Freddie Kimmel (24:07.925)
perspective, again, older Alex. But then that moment, I was sitting in various moments like that. I was finally at this big church event and there were all these kids at this youth group, all these kids in the hotel room or in the hotel and they're spending this entire weekend. I'm watching kids in hundreds go down to give their life to Christ. And I love that.

until I was sitting there with a instead of a few drops of doubt in a sea of assurance, I in my head and heart aligned with I was in a few drops of assurance in a sea of doubt. Like I said, I don't do things subtly. So then I just I wrestled and struggled with my very constrictive faith for me. And then eventually I had to step away from the fundamentalist Christian movement because I didn't want to be inauthentic standing on stage preaching to kids to follow their faith.

when I was sitting here struggling with the word but still in love with a lot of the allegories and the metaphors. So that becomes a lukewarm person or a very angry guy. And I think it was more authentic for kids to see me step away that I was leading even though that it was good and I could play a facade than to fake something long enough for me to then finally click and be like, I'm glad I left the bumpers on in my

Freddie Kimmel (25:35.81)
Well, in that decision, I was stepping away from what I thought I was gonna do. I thought I was gonna be a pastor and a coach, and so there went my identity. In the midst, also went through, I got married young and we went through a divorce and that was, we got married.

at 20. Okay. And divorced. Yeah. And divorced at 25. We met at 16. The idea of me getting married at 20. mean I was a nice person. Yeah. But I was such a mess. What's weird is I would say it was way more disciplined then. Yeah.

You had to be. To make that decision. For sure. Yeah, I was so locked in. Yeah. In the sense of getting the things, getting the picket fence and wanting to provide for it. We were pumped, but we were also just really young. And then you realize like authentically caring for someone and wanting to want someone. And that's a hard conversation, especially at that age. What the hell do you know at that age? At 16, I met her.

And there was a lot in not validating that. it's pretty young.

And my dad, my dad looked at me and was like, son, think that's the dumbest thing you could ever do, but I love you and I'll support you. Just understand that's an early decision to make. But I was so gung-ho. And so all my identity switched. I mean, frankly, when we decided to get the divorce, I had gone through an affair. And when you put egg on your face in that big of community and you were chaste and I was chasing something to validate these urges to leave versus communicating and

Freddie Kimmel (27:16.448)
being broken in front of someone and telling the love of my life that I'm so sorry that I can't be the man that

and to look at that and to really break all that down in front of your community, in front of my CrossFit community, in front of my church community, in front of my family. That really withers you down to finally sitting in that ache and in that wrestling. You don't have the scripture to provide for you. You don't have a God to pray to. You don't have a wife to confide in because you kind of screwed that up. Your parents are worried about you. And then all that...

destructive moment, it's more of like a peeling back. Even with my faith gone and not knowing, I felt so close to God in some of the moments when all I would hear is the birds chirping. And that deconstruction had to happen, could have been done in a wiser, more respectful and loving way, but it was freeing and completely disorienting.

Because then all my doctrine that I'm supposed to believe in that has some good value in dictating my moral and ethical decisions is now...

really nice coffee stand like table. Like I know I'm gonna see it in hotels, not like this is the word. And that's really hard, especially when I believed in it that much. So like it wasn't taken lightly to walk away or step away, but it was this recalibration of where I stand on. And moreover, it's all the same Alex. It's just, it's validated through my internal understanding of how I navigate.

Freddie Kimmel (28:56.431)
performance based process of religion so that it looks good enough for other people and I don't know if I've ever said that out loud till that exact sentence but like it was authentic as it could be except for there's a sense of still keeping up with the Joneses with your ethical code or your ability to you know lean in with faith I always got so frustrated with people when they're like well you know it's just God's Word and I'm like

I love that. envy that but I also have a tough time to authentically state like, you know, it's God's timing and my mom hates, doesn't hate that, struggles with that resistance that I have to her faith that helped her so much. But it also opened me to actually love Christians better because at the time when I got out I was like the optimistic nihilist, like nothing matters but I want to believe in happiness because that sounds better than being sad.

but then I wanted to evangelize about my atheism. You start flipping the script and going the other way. How can I save people this way? And not doing any of things to save yourself. It's so wild. You envision, especially listening to somebody else's story, you're like, wow, that really could have gone.

far left or it could have gone way far right and By the grace of the universe, know, we're here sitting talking today. my gosh, you know I'm again having heard a lot of your experience and some of the other parts of your story How blessed you have been to navigate these waters? So I would say even from your departure from your religion, which is completely Disorientating that wasn't even your dark night of the soul

No, no. Yeah, so take us there. So then the basic Dark Knight of Soul, the precipice that kind of brought me to take in the full expanse, the ache, the sadness, the awe, the raw, whatever. That was cool that that rhymed.

Freddie Kimmel (31:03.007)
my friend AJ who was one of my best friends. I met in the ninth grade and he was a guy that always lit up the room and as I was struggling with my faith you know all my security guards are down. I just lost everything I built for. I just broke a woman's heart that deserves nothing but love. One of the sweetest souls on the planet.

I walked away from my faith and I was killing it as a pastor because I'm passionate, because I love that, because it was my heartbeat. And so my ethics, my God, not my family to an extent, but to the level that they could understand me, there was distance. My marriage and all that stuff is all going down the tank and...

I'm talking to my friend AJ who I've known since the ninth grade. We walked through the town with, would spend late nights getting too much McDonald's or sitting in a Walmart.

until 3 a.m. about what life is about. And he's struggling through his life. And as I'm going through my divorce, I feel the urge to make everything right by getting items that he had put in my house and put them into a storage unit. So we spent almost 12 hours talking on the phone.

and he lived in Oregon at the time and he was taking care of his mom and being there for his sister and everything. And I could hear it sounded a little dull, like his spark wasn't as bright as mine. We were both kinda going through the muck. And I moved the stuff out of my house into a storage unit. I had the keys in, we kinda talked about this, that, and the other, about him potentially moving down, and then.

Freddie Kimmel (32:48.551)
You know, you don't get to write the rest of the story. You don't get to write your expectation. You don't get to realize how valuable those moments are. And then I get up the next morning, processing all my life and having that box checked and that moment with him. And we focused on the important or the urgent, not the important. And then I got a text from his mom and my friend Cole Moose that just said, AJ's gone and AJ committed suicide in that moment.

Those are last words. Last words was talking about stuff, moving stuff. And then I'm looking at the reality and as much as I love AJ in that moment, AJ was a great example for me. AJ was a guy that had light when there wasn't light. Not a dollar in his pocket, but he lit up the room like there was gold everywhere. you don't get to experience that with everybody and that's such a rare gift.

and then I get to carry that dimmer light that I have now because it's not lit by him.

and just a person like that. And then you're trying to bring that piece. I mean, he would act like Jim Carrey on the tee and he was six-four black, which was hilarious. And he could kill it at ping pong. He'd have the worst disc golf club ever. And he'd ace the hole. Like he didn't have most things going in his life or experiences that I've had or the consistency that I've had with my family. And he was still showing up like a bright light.

And then knowing that he got to that point and that he took his last steps, I wonder what it have been like for me to be there and walk with him and talk with him. And that's such a simple piece of life that I took for granted for so long. And my what if got so loud and I wish I would have got so loud. And particularly for me with who I am and who we all are.

Freddie Kimmel (34:41.572)
If AJ could have walked off that bridge because life got so hard in that moment that he couldn't see out of the darkness, I'm a real person. Everybody's a real person. People get closer to that than they'll ever admit. And it's over things that aren't worth that human's heartbeat. And I could feel that. And I knew I don't have the option to get that low.

not because I don't deserve to validate my emotions, but because we know that's not the answer. And we know that it becomes a critical moment versus an all-encompassing emotion that's never gonna leave. And that's way more real. And so how do I generate that? How do I become that piece? And that was one of those moments where I said, I remember waking up and hearing the birds chirp. Everything else didn't make sense.

But I knew I could take a step and I knew from that moment on I would do that. I would take a step. No matter how painful it is, no matter how much I want to validate my suffering, no matter what.

If I can move, if I can breathe, I have a tattoo that says Haval, which means breath or vapor. And it's also the term for spirit. And it's just mean that it's water. It's like dew on the grass. In Ecclesiastes, it says vanity, breathless, vanity or meaninglessness. And it's the same word Haval, breath or vapor means it's there for such a short time that it can't have value. But yet it's also right after that, Solomon talks about God blessing Israel and everything. It's everything being immensely valuable.

So it's this concept of here today, gone tomorrow. This is the infinite.

Freddie Kimmel (36:15.024)
there's the finite and it's all mixing together and like if I can find that a chance to expand my lungs and retract them that's movement a step there is something that I can do to change the state or the perspective that I have and if I can do that on a realistic level most people can get away from critical points and we can have this painful story become the vulnerability in the community in the world that

need not this great perfect production but what does it look like to get through the day you said it perfectly in the kitchen where you said everybody's looking for the storybook happy ending and we don't get that and that made me mad

because it's a story I'm telling too, because I was like, my gosh, he's right. And it's that sense of like, we're trying to run from the present so hard to tell and write the story versus experiencing the words that are being written. And if we do that, we get further away from wanting to leave. And that's what even in AJ's hard time, like that was the dark night of soul. had so much that I wanted to break and rip apart. all it did was magnify what matters.

And it's, it's, you have to be able to assess yourself, see yourself fully and see others. And like, it's so easy to do that with walking. It's so easy to do that with a step. It's so easy to do that without the thought of it working out or an expectation of something, which is the scariest part. Because like you said, you get so much knowledge and we get inhibited by all this knowledge that we don't take a step. And if we do paralysis analysis, like we just need to move, take a step towards something. It's going to be wrong. It's going to be terrible actually.

But you did it. And you ended up in that community. you ended up in like, like you said, it could have gone so many different directions and the only guiding light I would have is I have to believe I'm worth taking the next step because my friend took his last. And that's the story I'm telling. Not to glorify any of this, but we all have that moment. And we either get to value it and hold it and carry it.

Freddie Kimmel (38:21.24)
or let it weigh us down. my friend's worth way more than that. My friend's worth way more than pity or suffering. He's worth showing that light that I saw in his eyes that guided me through.

Freddie Kimmel (38:36.562)
I have so many feels right now. What are your thoughts about the topic of suicide today? Like you've had this profound experience, you've had a lot of time to be with these feelings and to be without Alex. What comes up for you? I think what comes up for me is...

Freddie Kimmel (39:07.64)
The moment of rushing, the moment of running, the things that people don't validate around those moments of suicide make it more taboo than an organic conversation. And I think that's really hard because like there's even, I've been told many times not to use the word suicide as we post and as we try to reach people because of the triggering.

but it's all too real whenever someone does make a decision to kill themselves and then you have to sit with the moment of how could someone that good do that? How could someone that bad do? Like we have to be okay with the scariness that thoughts or moments will come into our lives where we don't wanna be here.

And if we can normalize that and have a sense of, okay, if I can't logically think this way, that's my issue. I can't logically get that person back. I can't logically get back with that person. I can't logically make my body look like theirs. I can't logically get that truck in this moment right now. And it's so silly, so silly. I can't logically tell the IRS that I'm working on it, you know, whatever that is. It may seem like your life is drafted, but

You can't succumb to that thought

Or at least be curious about it. do it with, I do it with pain in the movement space. Let's explore. We don't have to be scared of this side of ourselves. It's shadow work that people would do. It's breath work. But in sense of, you can't logically fix your situation, it's okay to step out of your brain and sit and breathe in the present moment. What do you feel? And that sounds so woo woo and it frustrates, it frustrated me. It's all that, but you have to do the things that are going to get you at the best mental

Freddie Kimmel (40:58.78)
emotional and spiritual state to do the best for yourself because if it was your daughter, it was your mother, if it was your father, if it was somebody the love of your life, you would tell them the exact same thing and we have to be able to initiate that protocol for people versus there's something wrong with you versus let's be curious about what what you're reaching for. Yeah. Because I think I think it boils down to that. I know my addiction so I know myself. I know why

So I know myself and it's uncomfortable to accept all of that but like I think people who Want to commit suicide are either doing it based off of logic like I want to get out of this situation I'm gonna do this or They brought themselves down the point of devaluing their next breath to a point that they that that's just the thing or they won't release in either way

As far as I understand, I don't know if the other side is utopia or recycling or whatever, but...

If I would have taken my last steps in moments where I've thought about taking my last steps, I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't be experiencing this. And that comes with the ebb and the flow, with the waves. Again, we said that at the beginning where you said it's waves crashing into you and it's like, what are you gonna do with it? I wish we could have this magical, perfect experience where there's euphoria all the time, but that also would get dull. It would get dull. Yeah. I think it would get dull. Yeah. I can't say that that wouldn't be driving some

closer to wanting to get out of an experience where it wasn't engineered towards growth. It's really why, you know, again, it's like, like, I...

Freddie Kimmel (42:44.088)
chronic illness journey started in 2001, cancer was 2006, 2025. Like I'm almost at 20 years. That, yeah, wild. But the idea, it's like, you know, and I quickly thought it was like, oh my God, I'm glad I'm through that. it's just gonna be, it's just gonna be, yeah, I'm gonna go write a book and Oprah's gonna call me. know, the reality is, like I said, downstairs is like the waves just keep coming and it's like, if you wanna talk about

Divinity talk about divining a never-ending unfolding experience. It's it's as deep as you want to go It's as hot there is no mountaintop. Yeah, that's ever Like yeah, like even that I'm gonna go sit down a journal about that because like that's like it is this walk is beautiful but again, it's so many things of like If we if we do this or if it looks this way if it looks this way and it's like it's the fact that we're able to get out of the bed Look at ourselves in the mirror

Keep doing this in a way and there's moments like you said at the beginning with movement like what's that? What am I most passionate about? There's something so beautiful where that moment is yours and theirs and it only happens if you're willing to stay there and that also comes with me getting I don't sleep that much I got bags under my eyes. I sometimes I sometimes over commit to things in the sense of helping someone move better But when those things happen when we're both present and when we sacrifice

things that we know are uncomfortable. No one wants to get up at 5 a.m. But when everybody's there at 5 a.m., I'm astounded when people are like, you know, I couldn't get up that early. And I was like, I know, but the people that do, they get through this 15 minute of lull of like, my gosh, can't, everyone, everyone has the crusties on their eyes. And then something magical happens and everyone realizes everyone wouldn't be there. Mm-hmm.

then there's just energy that picks up and then they're moving things faster. They're running faster. They're high-fiving. They're smiling. They're freaking jumping up and down and we're running on treadmills, throwing kettlebells around at five in the morning. And after that, they're going back to check an email, make a sales call, validate their amount of money based upon other people driving the cars and they're all comparing.

Freddie Kimmel (45:00.097)
themselves to to the houses that they were going to bury themselves in and sitting in. But in that moment they had presence and that like like like you've done too like when you get broken I've luckily had a lot of injuries as well when you sit there with your body not working the divinity part you're gonna find it but it's not on this joy it's not on this mountaintop it's it's like dipping down low enough to surf yourself out of the bottom and just

When you were painting that really beautiful picture of the 5 a.m. I'm like, they're free.

Yeah, they're free. They're untethered from everything else in life. And I think that's that again movement pushing way hormonal peaks community Black coffee. Yeah, you you just put it you're like wow, it's it's quite perfect You know, it's you know, we could argue that's a that's a peak I like that word when people just go peak Just to denotate a peak experience that's happening as it goes by and not let it go by because I think you know as as my life

is unfolded there are many times when I'll just look around and you know whether it's you know my partner who is so unbelievably honest and loyal and transparent and caring and selflessly giving once in a while I'm like if this would be if I did not have this if I look back I would look back on this day and be like dude you had it all

you had it all and it was just that moment. I do take those in. It's very, easy to, I could easily just make myself cry right now because you can be overwhelmed with the beauty if you.

Freddie Kimmel (00:01.529)
Man, people only knew what just happened. we're talking about the peak experiences in life and just, yeah, it's just wild. We went through a real wild meta moment. So as we were talking about these peak experiences in this workout class, I looked over in the computer and it stopped. Yeah, that was a nice, Yeah, wild, wild. I thought we had lost some of the gold and we didn't. Thank you. Thank you, universe. Thank you, universe.

I want to ask you on the other side of this you are jumping into an endeavor. Yes. You're gonna take one foot in front of the other. You're gonna do what we started the podcast with. You're gonna actually use the whole foot, the big toe, everything. Exactly. Tell me about the walk. Well it's the piece of that catalyst moment. That moment for me was when I

lost AJ and we had those critical moments and I made those decisions. I remember promising myself and AJ that I would see as last steps and I found every reason to find a reason not to because of inconvenience, because of missing out on something, because of financial allocations or maybe not even being seen.

And I was driving in my car going to treat some patients at a physical therapy at a skilled nursing facility. And I'm looking down the same track that we've kind of gone through on this, the sense of kind of how this world matrix or whatever, and not to anyone's detriment, just the way the systems are set up at this point, where most people for the last 15 to 20 years of their lives are going into a skilled nursing facility or an inpatient rehab after a fall fracture.

or limitation in their functional ability and they spend all their money, all their savings and all their dignity stuck in a bed. And I was going to treat all those patients. Those were wonderful people and amazing people, but there's hopelessness in those moments. And I remember like, this is not what I want to do the rest of my life. This is not how I want, that's not how I've ever wanted it, but.

Freddie Kimmel (02:19.424)
I also don't want to be the person laying on my deathbed knowing that I didn't do something because I thought of my incapability or my lack of resources. And I think about how everybody does that and how it comes back to the beginning of the podcast of just sometimes it's getting to the point where you know how valuable a step is and the ability to make that decision and the capability that you have right now is all you need to start something. And so I took that literally to the ground running or walking.

And I started this thing called the Next Step Movement, which is a hundred days of walking 2,560 miles to a place that helped save my life in moments where I wasn't strong enough, but I used a lever to pull, was movement, community, seeing myself, seeing others fully and finding a purpose with evolution. And that saved me. And that was metrics that I found. And with my way and my walk to honor AJ and to honor the human spirit,

is telling that story of what does it look like whenever things aren't easy. Because if you've ever tried to walk across the country, there's a lot of people that own a lot of land. There's a lot of money that goes into resources. There's a lot of conversation. And how do you show the value of pointing to something that's hard to look at when most people want things to look to that are distracting versus making you really aware? above all else, it was just the initiation to take that step. So August 31st and less than

11 days 11 days ladies and gentlemen I'm going to be walking from correct fitness front doors the doormat that I walked into when I felt hopeless but I knew I was worth another step led me to the community that I have led me to the confidence that I have and led me to see the perspectives that I needed not just by other people but other people showing up but me showing up and that's what we're all worth and so I'm gonna take off from that next step moment

of my life and community to my next step, which is walking to his last steps, 2,560 miles, over 100 days, just honoring what it is to be human. Not the glitz, not the glam, but the reality of being in present moment. How am going to have a smile on my face when I've got to go up 4,000 elevation and I've got 16 miles and no one's around me, but I'm going to remember all those moments that people did show up.

Freddie Kimmel (04:44.172)
And then I did show up and the preparation that I've done with so many clients with everything that I've written on my life to exemplify the value of the next step will be personified on this. And if someone is able to make it to their mailbox, pick up their grandkid, or moreover, be able to hold space when they weren't able to for themselves and the people close to them, we're all going to be sitting in the present moment.

And if we can get more people leaning into that versus running away from their own value in the moment, not the storybook, but writing the words, messing up the sentence, grammatical errors everywhere. But real life, just think it's worth writing the story. It's worth sharing and it's honoring a friend that was so much that knows he was worth more, but a moment, a regulative pattern.

and a chance to be seen by somebody in that moment could have changed everything. And that's worth figuring out for the world I'm gonna live in. that's an excellent moment. Yeah, it's a great primer for the next phase of your life. I'm excited for you to do it, really, just for you. What does the route look like? What does this walk look like? So you're leaving from the doors of Correct Fitness in Austin, Texas. For those of you who know,

Austin, that is the east side of Route 35. Yep. I actually might make better time than most people trying to get up to Round Rock and Cedar Park that day. But it'll be 730 in the morning. Anybody that's been a part of the community and in my life, I really do believe are going to kind of show up. We've got so many people. Again, four years ago I moved down here or three years ago I moved down here just with the desire to grow.

And I left so much of myself in that. And so like, just to see the community that's been built from a decision of a next step. 7.30 in the morning, everyone takes on the first mile. And then I proceed to just walk up, up to Cedar Park, just under North Austin, almost in between the domain and Round Rock. And then I just go left. And I go all the way through.

Freddie Kimmel (07:04.878)
Texas, end up in, I believe Las Cruces into New Mexico. And then I troll up Southwest New Mexico, pop into Arizona, start going North in the middle of the state through a lot of national parks and some conversations for permits and everything. And then into a little bit of Flagstaff and we'll be posting all this. And then up into Utah, Nevada, and then finally just under Portland at Oregon City, Oregon on First and High Street.

which is where his last steps were. Now do you, this sounds like it took a little bit of planning. Cause I mean, do you, are you walking on like expressways and? We're going to try to, there's about 471 miles of paved road. The rest is all trail. So that's going to be exciting. The limitation of that is the support vehicle that we'll be traveling and trying to produce the story in skeleton crew fashion. Not like this grandiose, I've got a recovery team. I've got all this. It's a van.

It's friends that have committed to this movement that are justifying the cost for the experience, is just, it's community at its finest. I'm not here to produce something magical. It is magic that we're producing it. And so it's bare bones, but it's just gonna be van, film crew, some editing when they're able to come out and what we can have rock and rolled. And most of the pathways.

due to the fact that I don't want to be on the road all the time, will be through a lot of trails, which means less support along the way. So there'll be longer stints where I'm stuck more in the mountains, or I've got five or six days where I'm just kind of tracking through this spot. So there will be some roads, but the majority of it will be off any way that is like, that's a guy going and that's 70 miles an hour of a vehicle. So it's with the intention also to get a piece of nature in his way.

There's a moment where you look at a tree or you're looking at some of the stuff that I'll look at and I'll probably hold that as the most valuable and most held I've been and there's no one around me. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Is there a timeline that you're on? We're trying 100 days. We're going to try to do 100 days and by try I mean God willing, universe willing, body willing. There's going to be hiccups. That's a piece of the story. But with as much maintenance and control that I can have over my recovery.

Freddie Kimmel (09:32.794)
That's the beauty of the walk is walking a marathon a day is extensive, but it's not the most aggressive thing you can do to your body. So there are going to be, how good is my sleep? How good is my mental state? How am I conquering each of these battles? Because pain will knock on the door. And that's also a piece of it is it's going to be subtle. But what I did day one and kept up with with day 50 will keep me from, you know, maybe this blister, maybe something I wasn't foreseeing because of all the mechanism. Maybe I did a

breathing meditation and and those were a non-negotiables because I'm gonna have no distractions other than the walk and communication. Yeah, and your route is mapped out somewhere for people to follow along. So there's a route called it's on Komoot. Komoot is a fantastic app that kind of rigs up different hiking trails and I believe I'm gonna put the link on the Instagram. It'll be on our website as well. So that is launching by the end of this week. Okay, and that'll be kind of

It's simple to bare bones, expresses a mission, has some beautiful pictures that my ex-wife and some people have taken. Some of those moments were very special and she was able to capture those. But it just shows the story of the mission, the five things that I like to communicate that I think affected my mental health and others. And yeah, the route will show day one through 100 and you should be able to click on it and it pops up. And if you want to stop and walk with me.

more the merrier. The piece of this is that you have a chance to walk, talk, be vulnerable and share your story because there's somebody in that hometown, there's somebody along this way, there's somebody that is reading this and they get triggered by something that's said with suicide and with mental health and instead of pushing away, I'm encouraging everyone to lean in and lean in with the discomfort with me. Every step's gonna be a part of my journey, every step is a part of your journey and we don't get the option of getting out of this.

There's too much good. There's too much of a story to write to be worrying about ending the story too early. Yeah, beautiful. Beautiful. I'm envious of your journey. It sounds amazing. I think, man, talk about a rite of passage again. Just incredible. Definitely looking at the future version of myself and allowing myself to walk into that. Like you, like I was even humbled when you said, you know, where have you exemplified leadership? And it's stepping into the fact that

Freddie Kimmel (11:58.958)
Yeah, this is like, let's go ahead and put the big boy pants on, right? 1994 was long enough ago for me to help people follow an example that I've done enough to show that it's valid. And I had said on our mid interview panic attack in which we thought we had lost the first half of this, that there's a great song. It's Stephen Wilson, Jr. First of all, he's got an unbelievable, bring you to tears version of a song, Stand By Me.

Okay, just him and a guitar and you you're gonna hear it you're like, oh, this is like kind of my anthem song for the walk Which he popped into my head during the interview, but then he's got a song called 1994 And it's just like his lyrics are great If you're you know, if you're a child of the 90s and you grew up in the 90s, you're gonna be you're gonna be loving it You're gonna be loving this album. But uh, I think one thing that I want to That you exemplified so well as you said peak when people say peak. Yeah, and it's that moment. It's that presence

I think I've changed my emotional understanding in words from good, bad, like amazing, blah, blah, to awe. And that's a really hard word to encapsulate because you said you could have brought yourself to tears in everything that you're looking at. And it's like this almost ache to try to feel it all. It's not good, bad, and different. It's just this.

people called it the Holy Spirit. There's just, I'm just getting so much in awe. And in like that song, that's a great example. Like I'm not denying myself sitting in a car and bawling my eyes out anymore. Or like you can be in awe and not have a reason why it's happening. And it's because of all the things you can't describe. And like, that's what most people miss. And it becomes anxiety and fear and sadness versus like, I can't even, I can't hold this, but I can, I can get hit by the wave. Yeah.

And I think that's a big key of the health conversation is not going through this good, bad, hard, easy, like, are you in awe? Are you in awe in most of your life? And usually that's found right in the kitchen or right with a step. So I appreciate that perspective too. Yeah. What a journey. Well, I can't wait to have you back on post-walk for sure. Absolutely.

Freddie Kimmel (14:21.241)
for sure. If not, if not, maybe I get really crazy and just end up out there for a little bit. do a little walk and talk because that could totally happen if you're out there for a hundred days. you know, it's, it's the beautifully broken podcast. You know, we all fall down. I, I, I'm fascinated by how people put the pieces back together and how that, like that Japanese art of Kintsugi, mending with glass and

I would ask you, does it mean to be beautifully broken, in your words?

Freddie Kimmel (14:55.211)
not scared of your rough edges but allowing the curiosity to piece it all back together patiently

Freddie Kimmel (15:07.339)
And not even worry, like the fact that it's broken is the beauty of it, not the thing to hide from. Like you shatter a pot and you run away. We're shattering the pot in front of everybody and being like, now let's make art. Yeah. Yeah. And then as a, a millennial? Yeah.

I don't even know. I'm like, what is it? What's the age range? I don't know. don't know. Physically. What's your advice to other young millennials out there that are navigating this very unique time and the human experience? You get a little wand and you can tune in everybody's iPhone to channel Alex. What would you say?

I would say if you're reaching for something, anything outside your own ability to fit that need, it's okay to validate that you want that. But moreover, your self sufficiency, sufficiency, there we go, is finding out that you are the source and not the seeker. And then your life becomes a lot more abundant.

You can't play a victim when you realize you're producing and manufacturing everything from choices and decisions and patterns. And it's the hardest thing I've come to realize, but the most beautiful thing to experience. It's letting go of the wheel.

And allowing yourself to take in the entire drive versus white knuckling this whole thing. Cause that's a lot of stress and it's way easier and simpler than anybody thinks it is. You have to sit with yourself long enough to realize you don't need the shiny thing. You need the deep, rich breath and a community around you enough to see you fully. Like we don't, we are, we are over problemizing ourselves and victim as valid as those things are.

Freddie Kimmel (17:07.236)
We're more than conquerors. Like we have to show up for ourselves. And once we provide for ourselves, seeing ourselves fully, we're able to see others and be the change that we're all screaming from the rooftops. Because it's not gonna change until us individuals, us as communities, and then us as bigger entities form.

because we know humans. know ourselves at this point. We have an idea that we're power hungry people and that's okay, but we're also beautiful creators. Yeah. Amen. Amen. Let's close it down. Thank you for being a guest on the podcast, brother. Thank you so much. Yeah. yeah. Hiccups and all. It's kind of perfect. Kind of perfect. Kind of meta. guys, check out Alex's journey again. Where can people follow along? Where can they find you on Instagram? So the website is launching the next step movement.com.

And that's gonna have the GoFundMe and there's gonna be an Instagram that is the Next Step Movement that's already rocking and rolling as well as Walking with AB. That's my personal Instagram, a little bit more raw, probably a little bit more funny, but it's gonna be sharing everything throughout at least August 31st, one video a day at least of me going through the hundred. I'll see you out there. Amazing. Alright guys, big love. Thank you. Yeah! Perfect!

Do it, do it, do it. I'll give you a crouched hug too.