Nesting: A new concept for children of divorce

Adam and Debby Petzold got married in 2004, both at 24 years old, before having their son, Gavin, in 2010. But in 2015, they filed for separation. Ever since, Adam and Debby worked out a "nesting" living arrangement, where they rotate time in their family home instead of shuffling Gavin between two places. 

In this conversation, college friends Adam, Debbie and Freddie (Freddie even sang at their wedding!) discuss what is nesting, how it works for their family, dealing with individual change as a couple, and thinking outside the norm when ending a relationship. During the holidays, stress can be high, and this conversation may provide some solace and a blueprint to do things differently.

Episode Highlights

1:24 - What is nesting?

2:39 - Why did Adam and Debbie choose nesting as part of their separation?

6:35 - Adapting to this new arrangement

8:58 - Communicating and engaging a young child in a divorce

13:59 - Considering the financial implications of divorce and nesting

19:05 - What has nesting meant moving for Adam and Debbie?

21:32 - Dealing with personal change within a partnership

23:52 - The power of physical transformation to address internal change

26:22 - Thinking outside the box when ending a relationship

32:05 - What does it mean to be beautifully broken?

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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (00:00.152)
Something I didn't anticipate coming out of this is that period of growth for myself that I don't know that I would have, I think it would have taken me a lot longer to get there had it not been for something that on paper is a terrible thing to go through. But for me was just a chance to really understand that I needed to, I needed to grow up too. I needed to change a few things about myself too.

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (00:27.789)
Welcome to the Beautifully Broken Podcast brought to you by AmpCoil. I'm your host, Freddie Kimmel, and on this show, we discuss the common thread survivors share after walking through the fire, the practitioners making a difference, and the treatment modalities that deliver healing back into the hands of the people who need it most. Witness the inspiration we gain by navigating the human experience with grace, humility, and a healthy dose of mistakes. Because part of being human is being beautifully broken.

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (00:59.759)
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the beautifully broken podcast. I have an amazing episode, so timely with the holidays. I have some guests here in Rochester, New York. I have Adam and Debbie Petzold. And we are going to talk a little bit about nesting. Guys, welcome to the show. Thank you. Thanks for having us. Can we start off? Can you guys give me your definition of nesting?

So nesting was kind of coined by Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. So that was kind of how they became popular and in pop culture. So nesting is basically, so if people end up getting separated or divorced and they have children and they want to put the children first and they don't want to

transfer the child and all the child's belongings between two places. What we do is we have one home that our son stays at and while he's here, whoever has him for that night is with him at the house and whoever is not is at the other place and in our case that is a rental property.

And we have a multifamily house and we have one of the apartments in that house, a two-bedroom apartment. So everyone's got their own bedroom, but nobody is there at the same time. So there's a nest. Yes, that's very complicated, right? It's complicated way to say there's a nest. There's a nest for the child, which is always maintained. He has a safe home base. And just for everybody at home, Adam, Debbie, and I went to college together and I sang at their wedding, which is a

Beautiful beautiful ceremony. I sang I sang the luckiest from Ben Folds. Oh, they're pointing at the wall. Hold on Yeah, oh, some beautiful pictures on the wall of the wedding the ceremony and you guys are a wonderful couple and a wonderful team at the game of life and I've always admired your guys open communication and the the love that you guys share and there was a time when you came to your relationship and you decided You didn't want to be married anymore

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (03:17.277)
And along with that came the planning for the child that you had had. A beautiful, beautiful son named Gavin. And your choice was to maintain this nest. Why did you guys go with that decision? I think from my perspective, I really looked at Adam to come up with the solution. For me, my parents have been married for over 40 years.

I never really intended, I don't think anybody intends to separate or get divorced when they get married. And I had no idea what to do. I knew that Adam and I had reached a point in our lives where even though we cared very much for each other, that our marriage wasn't going to continue to work. So when Adam and I said, you know, we've got to figure this out. Neither one of us wanted to have the situation that he grew up in, which was, you know, you

You feel this struggle between your parents. You care very much about them, but maybe you're a little bit resentful of the fact that one person gets your family home, the other person moves into an apartment that probably doesn't feel like home, and you're shuttled back and forth between those two places. So how do we avoid that? And when Adam suggested nesting, you know, the first thing that my sister who I'm...

She's my best friend. She's like, are you crazy? Why would you want to buy property with somebody that you're divorcing? What if something goes wrong? This just doesn't seem like a good idea. And so for lack of a better idea, though, we really said, all right, if we want to make this a reality, let's sit down and figure out how could this actually work? What type of property would we need? Would it need to be close to work? How far are we willing to drive knowing that we both work in the same town?

knowing our son needs to still stay relatively close by and feel comfortable with the property that we picked out too. That was a big thing was making sure Gavin was a part of that to say when mom and dad aren't here, does he know where we are? And he's he okay with, yep, when mom's at the apartment, I know what that place looks like. I've been there, maybe I slept over. She's got a couple things there and we're safe, that kind of thing. So it really does take,

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (05:30.099)
listen, it takes a special human being, takes a special connection to be able to do this. You know, obviously, we, as we've all been on the planet roughly 40 years, the three of us, you know, collectively 120, which is incredible. There's a lot of knowledge in the room. We've all seen relationships end different ways and sometimes very hostile, a lot of animosity. And your choice was to really work through things with

You know, I felt like love was always in the room, even though I know how hard it was at the time. I remember some of those conversations with Adam. And I remember, you know, trying to support him the best that I could through that. But I remember you coming to me and saying, found a house that we're gonna buy together. And to me, I was like, what? You're crazy. Why are you buying property again? You already own property with someone that you'd no longer want to be married to.

Yeah, but the plan was to have this nest in to create you know to hold the home base and then one of you had somewhere to pivot to So so how did that go when you first jumped into it? Tell me about like the initial three months. It's really hard It's really hard to set up a new routine and make that comfortable for everybody and still focus on Gavin and realize Quickly that you have to communicate more with your partner

than you ever did when you were married. a lot of times that's when it breaks down is when communication breaks down in a marriage, you know, you don't get it back and that's when people separate. And now all of a I'm texting her more than I ever have before just to coordinate, you know, with Gavin. And it's kind of hard. It feels bizarre. It feels like you have to find yourself. And I think both of us actually, we didn't.

jump into other relationships. We dated ourselves, we did that thing, and we kind of found who we were again. And we really took our time with that and still focused on Gavin. And when you don't have to focus on your marriage, as bad as that sounds, all of your attention goes to your child and becoming a better father and a better mother. And it seems kind of crazy and selfish to have that time to yourself.

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (07:49.62)
But then when you are with them, it's much better quality time because you're hyper focused on making sure that he's okay. And I think also too that the, it depends on the age and everybody's different. And I will say that you want to get everyone's advice, but it's really hard to tune people out. And I think we did a really good job of, you know, making the decision that was right for our family because only the three of us knew what that is. And it's really hard to tune out.

you know, everyone else's opinion. While we appreciate it, it's something that's tough to do for sure, whether it's your mother, your sister, or your best friend. When you're asking for advice and then you say, hey, this is what we're doing. And everyone's like, you're nuts. So how long has it been? How long have you guys been in this nesting phase? I think it's four or five years now. September of 15.

So and it's is when we closed on that house and we moved into the apartment. So yeah, what is it? So that's five years over five years. And what about how much did you involve Gavin's school? His educational pillars? We at first, I think we were so worried about, you know, how are we going to work through this as a family? We we knew we had to talk to Gavin's teacher. And he was in.

Gosh, what grade was he in then? Well, he was five, so was kindergarten. you know, what was interesting was when we talked to his kindergarten teacher and said, this is kind of what's going on. You know, we know that we're hoping that it's not an interruption for Gavin. We're hoping that he is, you know, feeling like I get extra time with mom. Certain nights of the week, I get extra time with dad. It's one-on-one time and it's not a someone's missing. It's

I get 100 % of their attention. And we hit the calendar and it was very much developmental. So at that age, it's very much who's making me dinner. That's what they care about. It's like, OK, who's going to be here? They're at five, six years old. That's kind of, it's like immediate, OK, who's going to be there? And as long as they know that, then they're fine. They don't look past that. And then we got the therapist.

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (10:14.134)
who he's been with and it's been great. Yeah, we ended up, after we talked to Gavin's school, one of the things that my mom had suggested was, you know, it's gonna be hard for someone who is, you for a child who's five or six years old to really be able to articulate how he's feeling, how is this impacting him. We're gonna see it more behaviorally than we will any sort of, you know, full on conversation. Hey mom, I don't really understand what divorce means. I don't understand what being separated means. And so,

we sought out the services of a local therapist who really specializes in adolescence. And he's been amazing. He's been able to, throughout the years we've seen Gavin start to be able to talk more about, not just really act out how he's feeling, but be able to talk to us about it. And maybe not so much in the moment while it's happening. It's usually a reflective after the fact. And he's had a couple of questions about

You know, I think what's, what's tricky for him is sometimes he still thinks we're married just because we do try to spend holidays together. You know, we have gone on family vacations together and for him knowing that this is normal, this is what his family looks like when he goes to his friend's houses now, especially that he's older and he sees their parents are our home together. It's, it's easy to understand why he might be confused as to, well, my parents still talk to each other. My parents are.

You know, they spend time together with me sometimes. How come they're not still married? And he has friends too now that are, you know, children of divorce and it's pretty common these days, 50%. And he sees these kids and he knows that his friend isn't going to be there because he's going to be at his dad's, you know, at that day. And so he sees his friends being, you know, shuttled back and forth and that, you know, disruptive.

It disrupts his playtime at least, right? So yeah, think that's, he sees that and is more noticeable of it now. I think he's not inquisitive as maybe some girls, if we had a daughter or something, I think they'd have quite a bit more questions, but Gavin's been great. And the questions will always come and there'll always be questions, no matter what. And it'll just be different based on

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (12:40.573)
his age, but I remember real clearly when my parents sat me down and told me when I was eight and I knew, you know, it's like, you know, I don't think Gavin had an idea. It's not like we were cats and dogs fighting. you know, and he was obviously younger than I was, but yeah, I think it's, yeah, that was a tough conversation to have.

I remember specifically actually, it was 2015, it was September, I was in San Francisco at the time. And I think you had, Adam, been to the emergency room with a visit. You had had an accident burning some fall foliage and trees in the backyard. Let's not go into that part of the podcast. However, that's a whole different podcast. Third degree skin burns. One thing with that though is,

while we were looking for a house, you think house hunting is stressful, we decided to separate in April and we were looking for a house and still living in the same house. And that was the hardest part, I think, from April to September to have that and to kind of navigate that was really difficult. yeah. But I remember,

I remember talking about, because one thing that I mentioned on the podcast before has been Airbnb. And, you know, we, we talk a lot about wellness and financial wellness. And when I, when I talk to people one-on-one, cause that's always an area that plays into chronic illness or disease. How are you going to pay for your treatment? How are you going to pay for yourself to move forward? And I, everybody I talked to, I was like, listen, here's the deal. I have rented a bedroom.

from my two-bedroom apartment to strangers since 2012, up until January of last year. And it has saved my ass. And I remember we were speaking, you guys were looking for a multi-family home to be able to, because you didn't have a lot of extra cash lying around, but the idea on the table was, if you could find something that was a multi-family property, that maybe that other apartment could almost be a wash if you had two rentals in there.

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (14:57.325)
So can you speak a little bit about kind of what you were looking for and what you thought would work in your budget? We were really specific. And so you go through the options, right? So we could sell this house and move into two not so great apartments or two not so great houses that we could afford and not be happy in Shalom. Or we could give this a shot, but it had to be real specific. We had to find a three family house.

in order to support it because you couldn't do a duplex because that wouldn't support the other mortgage, right? So if you only had one apartment that wouldn't pay the full mortgage on a house. So we had to find a three unit and we had to find one where that we had a two bedroom so that we weren't sharing a bedroom in this apartment. So it was really specific and it was really difficult to find and we were lucky we had a great

friend of ours who was a realtor and she was fantastic and Everything happens for a reason. Can you name the realtor and the agency that she works for? Yes, Julie Gawain is amazing. She works for remax and Pete Zizi and they were fantastic throughout the whole process and continue to be and Yeah, Julie's just fantastic. And so this deal fell through

And like I said, and there's no coincidences everything happens for a reason we love this property Someone else is gonna buy it the deal fell through I'm in DC at the time at like a concert and they're like the deal fell through I'm like sign it sign it sign it, you know The guys like lives in Japan or something and we're like get his get his number get on there right now. Let's let's get it let's get it done and Yeah, so we looked at how many houses you think I think we probably went through about

12 to 15 places. it was, like we said, it was really important that this property had to be within, I think 20 to 25 minutes was really our limit between our house that we have in Henrietta. It had to be close by because- didn't want it to be too close though. We didn't want any drop-ins, right? Bullshit. But when we found this property, it was perfect because my brother happens to live down the street on the same part.

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (17:12.603)
He's on the same street just a little bit further down. And so it was a neighborhood we were familiar with and Julie was extremely knowledgeable about the area. in general, you know, we were hoping to find something that felt like it needed to be a single family home, but in the sense that, you know, it was someone's, someone had taken care of it and it had character. had the two separate bedrooms like Adam mentioned, and it just felt like this was something that

even though the reason why we needed this property was probably one of the worst reasons that you could think of. But for what we needed it to be, it was perfect. And we should say, if you've ever been part of like house hunters or like a renovation show, like that's like cause for divorce right there, right? And there we are fixing up this place and know, a tenant moves out and we fix up the back and you know, it's like...

Flip or flap or whatever they're doing in their divorces, they're like buttonheads. But we were able to do it and we made it so that not only did we not have to pay a mortgage, a second mortgage, it was paid plus some. So it was an extra like $200 a month that we put aside just for expenses for that property. it was all, you know, we shared the expense of the other things, but it was.

really a godsend because we've always been splitting things down the middle and there's just absolutely no way we could pay for the type of lifestyle we've become accustomed to. know, just single family suburbia, you know, nice neighborhood and it's yeah, it's location, location, location. And it was, you know, you get working professionals in this area and it's a hipster neighborhood. It's, it's trendy and yeah, it's nice. I mean, you like it, right?

Yeah, I love it. My brother lives over there on the south wedge of Rochester. Big shout out to Rochester on this podcast. my question, I kind of want to ask a few more questions about nesting. What has nesting done for your relationship as a couple of divorce going forward? I think that one of the reasons when I started to think about why did our marriage fall apart, I can look back and pinpoint a moment in which

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (19:35.056)
You know, Adam, think went through a tremendous period of growth. And unfortunately I didn't really know how to handle that. I, I would love to think that, you know, it was more out of fear of not really understanding what does Adam's growth mean for me? And am I now still, still a priority? Am I still worthy of this relationship because he's changed so many things about himself when

When I started to think about the opportunity that our nesting arrangement represented, it's kind of a moment where you have to figure this out. I have to figure this out for my son. If this means that I'm being pushed to grow when maybe I didn't feel I was ready to, and our separation is the catalyst for that. And in turn, it is Adam's idea that has really started this ball rolling, so to speak. It's really allowed me to

feel a sense of appreciation and being grateful for the fact that I have somebody in my life who is willing to put our son first, who still is, I can still say to Adam, I'm having a bad day, can you grab Gavin? You can I have an extra night? Can I, you know, I need you to do something for me, and he can do the same, you know, with me. I think that's been

Something I didn't anticipate coming out of this is that period of growth for myself that I don't know that I would have, I think it would have taken me a lot longer to get there had it not been for something that on paper is a terrible thing to go through. But for me was just a chance to really understand that I needed to, I needed to grow up too. I needed to change a few things about myself too.

And Adam, how has it changed your course, having this choice cemented, be put into the physical, and then what have the last five years done for you? Yeah, it's kind of that growth. I mean, we were married for 10 years and together for 13, going back to college. was there from the start. From the start, that's right, buddy.

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (21:59.942)
So yeah, was yeah, she was Debbie was always part of the gang and it was It was hard to realize that you if you don't change together You know because everybody changes that you know that can be an issue and that can lead to problems and when that communication breaks down it's You know, can it can lead to issues and you know, the other thing too is I believe in

the analogy of the airplane masks where, you know, they say you have to put it over your face first before you put it over your child's because look, you're no good to them dead. You have to take care of yourself first in order to be any kind of a father or parent or partner to anybody. And yes, it seems selfish. And I'm an only child and I will readily admit that I'm, I'm very selfish at times. But what this has done is

Again, it's helped me change, hopefully for the better. You know, I went through a physical transformation and that one made me want to change everything else and change from the inside. Sometimes you have to change from the outside first to really start working on the internal side. And I think the communication has really been the best. I've been able to communicate and I think Debbie too, of what

I want what I want out of a relationship, what I want out of being a parent, what I want out of being a co-parent and being able to vocalize that and really sit with yourself and sit and see what you need. And I think that's been the best part of that. And learning to do that has been, it took me much longer to change that than it did my physical appearance.

So let's just sidebar there because the audience at home can't see Adam. Adam's, how old are you Adam? Almost 40, 39. He's 39, he's almost 40. There was a time in college when we were there and we were very much similar body types and we both have shaved heads so we look like brothers and we were both about the same size and then there was a time after...

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (24:14.346)
college where Adam, what was your top, you gained a little bit of weight. Yeah, so I was 185 going into college, 225 leaving college and I got up to 260 pounds and not good pounds. Yeah, Adam was not a healthy guy. remember coming home, you know, because I was in the middle of, you know, singing and dancing in New York and super, super.

physical and active and you'd kind of sank into a little bit of a depression. big time. I was an alcoholic. I was, you know, it was my twenties, you know, but it was a whole decade of letting myself go. And, you know, like I said, really drinking my feelings away and not being able to express myself and getting lost. And, you know, at the bottom of that hole and I stopped drinking and a month after Gavin was born and that

I lost 10 pounds right there and then I started getting back to the gym and working out. about a year and a half, lost 80 pounds and became a personal trainer because that really inspired me to help others. And yeah, it's been a wild ride. So I've maintained it for, you a decade. So yeah. Yeah. It's yeah. Nine years and let's see, eight months sober. Yeah. Yeah.

So you've lost all that weight. Adam's in amazing shape. It's incredible. I feel like such a weakling, flabby, I'm the stocky Fred. I'm the skin. I do, I do. It's very intimidating in the gym. But so Adam's doing really great and he does tons of theater and he's involved in the arts and you're still not drinking, right? No, nine years, eight months sober. Nine years sober.

And Debbie has an amazing job at Paychex and you've continued to climb that ladder there, correct? sir. Yes, sir. Yep. I've been at Paychex at the end of December. It will be 17 years. I'm a program manager there. I love my job. I've made some incredible friendships and I'm taking my, exam in a couple of months to have my certification as for a project manager. So. Incredible. Incredible. And it's an amazing company in Rochester.

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (26:26.003)
So you guys are doing really good, you're thriving. You know, one thing I want to say about, I know families are out there and I can see people scrunching their nose and be like, my God, I couldn't imagine doing this with a person that I didn't want to be with. whether you decide to do something outside of the box, like nesting, or you decide to work through with an unconventional therapist, holistic therapy, whatever you choose to do, and I think you guys know this, is that you've

You've got to be aware how intelligent children are and how in tune they are to the energy in the room and working with energy and frequency and being a Reiki healer and a coach and working with subtle energies like Amp Coil. I'm so in tune and one thing I witnessed is children, they pick up information so fast without hearing it, they actually feel it.

So whether you're going to, again, you're gonna make a choice like you guys do to do something very proactive and nest, you're gonna just, I know, my parents stayed together, even though probably, ooh. A too long? A too long. A that was my model for a relationship. you could say there's very noble things, they sacrifice everything for the children.

But then what do the children witness as a model for healthy communication? know, everything, there's a consequence to every choice. And just being around Gavin and seeing you guys, I mean, I think it's a right choice. And the audience, just so the audience knows, you guys were flown down to New York City.

to be on the now infamous Megan Kelly show, right? The Today Show with Megan Kelly. The Today Show with Megan Kelly. Megan Kelly doesn't work for the Today Show anymore. But she was very nice to us. She was gracious host. That was a great experience. Yeah, it's neat. it takes a village. It really does. And it might not be right for everybody, but I would really encourage people to think outside the box and do what's right for them and focus on that.

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (28:36.071)
And there's no wrong answer. Like I said, Lynn, like you said, you put the kid first and you have to put your feelings aside no matter what that person has done to you in that relationship or what they've said. You've got to put the kid first and focus on that. And whether that's through therapy or mediation or anything else, all of which we have done and are big proponents of. Gavin's therapist, we were in therapy the other day.

He says, you are the coupleest uncouple I've ever seen. know, so was a compliment, but yeah, it was pretty funny. And to be honest, mean, when we first moved into the rental property, I hated it at first. I remember that. was the first time that I was forced to spend time by myself and for an extended period of time. And it was just this realization that there's

this is what my life is now like, and I'm not gonna see my son every day. instead of, I think it took me a good three or four months of realizing that, yes, this is not at all what I thought it was gonna be. I never thought that I would be 30 something years old. I'm not with my son's dad anymore. I'm living in a property that I don't own really. It's not.

It's not my style. It's not where I want to be. And, but eventually what came out of that was this appreciation for the fact that, you know, three days out of the week, I get to just be me, you know? And that sounds a little strange because of course, you know, at our course we're always ourselves, but when I'm with my son, I am his mom, you know, I'm that's the, hat I wear. And, but when I'm not with him, that gives me an opportunity to

to start to uncover some of those things about what was so scary about spending time with myself and really understanding what do I want to do with my time and how do I want to spend that and realizing that I don't think I did a very good job advocating for myself in a relationship and understanding that I, not to say that I didn't have a voice, of course I did. I don't know that I ever really used it as much as.

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (30:59.554)
as I could have or should have. And some of that goes back to, we talk about communication and making sure that your partner, your husband, your spouse, whoever knows, you what page are you guys on? Are you guys even reading out the same book, so to speak? But it absolutely was the right decision for us to nest and to have this arrangement. And it's worked so well, it's silly.

Thanks, Gwyneth Paltrow for introducing the world. Gwyneth Paltrow, Chris Martin for all the great music. Never thought I would say that. So I know, I know. so, so one- don't have to be rich to do it. You don't have to be rich to do it. You can be creative. You can be creative. I think the one takeaway for me is if you want to find a way, there's always a way through. It might not be what you envision it to be, but just be open. There's other choices out there. There's people that are doing this. There's great examples.

I'm sure there's great websites online at this point about nesting. There's books, there's resources, there's support groups for parents that are nesting. And that's something you can definitely reach out there and grab. Guys, I think this is a great little token for parents looking for a resource and probably just to dip the toe in the water on the topic. I'm gonna close it up, but because this is a beautifully broken podcast,

I'm going to ask you both, what does it mean? And you went through this lovely, and I'm just going to look, guys, I'm going to take pause. I need to look back at this wedding picture one more time. It's still on the wall. It's such a beautiful wedding photo. So you went through this, you know, went through this life choice to get married. didn't unfold the way you thought it would. You know, I'm sure no regrets, but

What does it mean to you to be beautifully broken and go through this process of a breakdown and a build back up? Adam, you can go first. Yeah, I think beautifully broken, I think everybody's broken and everybody breaks down and it's how you pick yourself back up and how you remake yourself that counts. And that's what it is to me. It's not...

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (33:11.514)
being stuck in a mold and doing what you have to do to break out, whether that's break down, whether that's hit the bottom, whether that's, you know, be at the lowest, then do it. And I think that sometimes that's what it takes. And then you have to realize it and then you have to really figure out what it is you want and how to do that. And I don't think you can do that with a lot of

the society's constructions in place. That has to all be broken down. again, it's how you rebuild yourself that makes it beautiful. And I'm constantly having to do that. there's a fine line between being complacent and being content. And that's the hardest thing for me is, you know, it seems like every five years I have to break myself down to build myself back up again.

in some form or fashion. And it's an evolution. And that's what it is. And if you ever want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans, right? That was a great answer, Debbie. Take it away. I think for me, at the time when Adam and I were in mediation, one of the things that the mediator asked him was, why did you want to get married? And I was really upset.

by Adam's response because it was very much a, that's what you do. You meet somebody, you start dating them, a certain amount of time goes by, you pop the question, then a certain amount of time goes by, you have a kid. And my heart sank because it almost trivialized many of the things that people consider milestones. But looking back on it now, it starts to make more sense with the idea that

there are a lot of expectations that we have become used to. It's this idea that, you you should be with one person forever, or that you're always going to feel the same way about somebody as you do when you first meet them. And with everything that Adam and I have gone through, I think it's allowed me to understand that even though my first marriage and my first serious relationship didn't turn out the way that I wanted it to,

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (35:33.894)
the things that it has allowed me to understand about myself and what I want in a relationship and the things that I kind of didn't do as well the first time around, it's allowed me to really understand that there's, I look at what's going to happen next as an opportunity for me to really, to show that I've learned those lessons and apply those lessons moving forward. Not to say that,

Of course, I don't thank Adam for our marriage ending. Like, that's not what I'm trying to say. But I do know that I wouldn't have had as much growth had we had not gone through this over the last five years or so. Beautiful. Well, you guys are, I'm such a fan of you both. I'm so proud of you. The Nesting podcast has been on my mind for a long time. And as I was driving to my dad's house for Christmas today,

our pre-Christmas celebration, was like, Adam, do you think Debbie would be down for the nesting? He was like, let me check if she's home. So we got to do it live, which is so much better. And we will check back in at some point. We're at the five year mark now, right? Five, six year mark now. And if anybody wants to reach out and ask Adam or Debbie questions, I know, Adam, you're on Instagram.

Yeah, Instagram, Twitter, and feel free to give you my email. It's just my name, Adam Petzl, the Gmail, and I'm always available to answer questions and happy to help. know, it's if we can inspire and that's one of the reasons we did the Today Show. Debbie didn't really want to do it. She's a nervous, but that was her thing. She's like, if we can help one other couple, it's worth it. And is there there's a link to the Today Show episode, correct? Yeah. Yeah, it's just my name and Today Show.

Yeah, well, I'll put that in the show notes as well. think that's a great resource for people and again tools Tools there's tools out there. There's information, you know We're drowning. We also I always say this we're drowning in information. We're starving for knowledge I think the application of the information that you guys have put in action to create this beautiful nest is This is the heart explosion that beautifully broken is all about so thank you so much for being here guys. Thank you, Freddie namaste

Freddie Kimme, Adam and Debby Petzold (38:00.463)
Ladies and gentlemen, you made it to the end of the podcast. Now in a world where the average attention span is less than 10 seconds, we just spent almost an hour together. And I think this is the beginning of something really beautiful. Now one way to support the podcast is to head over to freddysetgo.com and check out my newly launched page, Freddy's Faves, where I've linked every five star product and healing modality you hear about on the show.

Most offer significant discounts by clicking the link. And please know it doesn't cost you anything extra and at the same time, they support the show through affiliation. check out Freddie's faves on freddysecco.com. This episode of the beautifully broken podcast was brought to you by our sponsor, AmpCoil, upgrading the vibrations of hearts, minds and bodies all over the world. Thank you for tuning in. If you enjoyed today's show,

head over to iTunes and leave a five star review. Grabbing a download is like giving this virtual thumbs up that we're doing it right. And if you want to connect with me, shoot me a message on Instagram at freddysetgo.com or at freddysetgo. That's all for today. Our closing, our closing, the world is hurting. We need you at your very best. So take the steps today to always be upgrading, whatever it takes to move the needle. Remember, while life is pain, putting those fractured pieces back together is a beautiful process. I'm your host. love you. Namaste. Have a wonderful day.