The Energy of Money, Losing 300K Dollars, and Playing Small.

Remember that time I lost 300K through a publicly traded company?

Yeah, let's talk about that.

We don’t talk enough about how much money plays a big role in health. Money is a resource that gives you access to treatments and medicine that you otherwise wouldn't be able to get, but more than that, money is also energy–it affords you experiences and opportunities that directly impact your life and, by extension, your health.

I want to talk about my own experiences, struggles, and eventual realizations about money, its energetics, and why it’s important to invest this energy into yourself and your passion.

Episode Highlights

[0.35] Expanding the Subject of “Healing” and the Energetics of Money
[4:16] On Getting out of Debt and Its Effect on Freddie’s Life and Health
[7:14] Investing in Bitcoin and Losing Money
[12:32] The Wealth in Passions and Purpose-Driven Missions
[15:00] On Learning That You May Be Your Own Obstacle
[18:11] Accountability and Acceptance
[21:27] Making the Choice to Invest in Yourself
[24:14] Becoming Truly Present

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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Freddie Kimmel (00:00.974)
Welcome to the Beautifully Broken podcast. I'm your host, Freddie Kimmel, and on this show, we explore the survivor's journey, practitioners making a difference, and the therapeutic treatments and transformational technology that allow the body to heal itself. Witness the inspiration we gain by navigating the human experience with grace, humility, and a healthy dose of mistakes. Because part of being human is being beautifully broken.

Freddie Kimmel (00:35.055)
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Beautifully Broken Podcast. This is the Solo-Sode. We are going to talk about all things money, cryptocurrency, energy, and the idea of loss. And to really jump into it, I have to say, is this a podcast about health and wellness? Yes. What do we do on the Beautifully Broken Podcast? We examine concepts and see how that plays into energy, healing, vitality. I often ask, what is healing?

And so I often envision this ball of energy much like the sun and it can get diminished and you can dim the light and you can dim the energy and then the robust energy, robust health is like this big glowing sun in which the energetic field resonates out and out and out. I say that just to offer, even though we're going to talk about money, that money can be part of healing. It can allow you access to healing, access to the doctors and interventions you may want to explore.

Medical tourism. I've had so many friends in the Lyme and chronic illness industry fly their children and their families over to Sweden or Switzerland or Germany or Mexico to receive these incredible treatments to try to save their lives. Many times, many times these astronomical costs being $30,000, $40,000 per person per trip.

Oftentimes the narrative is I spent a million dollars to get well bless you if you had access to those funds and so It is a topic and I just want to qualify that and now I want to define money for us money is an object It's generally accepted as a payment of goods and services and repayment of debts in a given country or socioeconomic contents the main function of money distinguished as

a medium of exchange, a unit of account, a store of value, and occasionally, a standard of deferred payment. Now, I have to tell you a little history, my brief Freddie history of money. From the time that I went through college and took out my very first credit card, I'm not going to tell you what I put on that credit card, I had a revolving balance of around $3,000. And I got to be honest that that one credit card was a debt that I paid on for over a decade.

Freddie Kimmel (02:57.297)
So it's always been this interesting relationship with me and money. My other relationship with money or a narrative I have are my student loans. In fact, two years ago, I just paid off my student loans. And keep in mind, I went to the University of Fredonia and State College, SUNY Brockport, State University of New York at Brockport. And these are not expensive schools. I'm saying $2,700 a semester at the time, maybe $2,000 for room and board, but I managed...

to accumulate almost $20,000 in loans. When I went through treatment for cancer and did multiple surgeries and chemotherapy, that treatment time, I put all my loans on hold and I watched them increase by like 10 grand because I just kept deferring and leaving and you know, it was like an afterthought. Well, I can't pay my student loans now. I'm not even working for some of this time. So I've always been working out of the hole a little bit. I have to say in my over decade, really 15 years of

Battling through or reigning victorious chronic illness that could be looked at as metastatic cancer Lyme mold hormonal dysfunction you name it I Spent an unbelievable on a lot of money on technology and functional medicine doctors and IV infusions and stem cells and all the things right I talk about that a lot on the podcast my saving grace Getting through that experience not being an incredible debt was actually Airbnb. So

Around 2012, I got really resourceful and I was living in a two-bedroom apartment. I happened to go on a date with somebody online. I think it was Facebook dating place, maybe, I'm guessing. And I remember on our first date, the girl walked into my apartment. She's like, you should Airbnb this place. I was like, what, what do you mean Airbnb? She's like, I don't think we're to go on a date again, but you should Airbnb this apartment. You do really well. So I looked it up.

And it essentially in 2012 when Airbnb was brand new, you could Airbnb, could rent a rental. I rented a room out of my two bedroom apartment and team, that was my gateway drug. That was my gateway drug. All of a sudden from 2012 all the way up to 2019, I hosted over 454 people, 454 people from every country you could imagine across the world. I still keep in contact with many of these people who are not my friends.

Freddie Kimmel (05:18.48)
It was an amazing experience. And what I learned was to sacrifice some of my living space. I could almost bring my rent to a net zero and any money I was making allowed me to invest in these fringe wellness therapies that were not covered under insurance. It allowed me to seek out specialists out of my coverage network that were not covered under insurance. And it allowed me to really invest in my health. So

I'm just give you this backstory is my relationship with money. One thing that happened within that span is I saved up enough money to put down a down payment on an apartment. Incredible, right? You're we're getting Freddy's financial history here, but I promise you this has a point and it's a really heartfelt point for me. Along this journey, I saved up enough to buy an apartment. I bought a two bedroom apartment in Union City, New Jersey, and it was incredible. It was not a beautiful apartment, but I loved it like it was.

It chip in Joanna Gaines like master home and I put in wood floors and I painted and I got nice furniture and I optimized this place again for an Airbnb. So I rented a bedroom out of the place that I now owned. And even though in the middle, I'm going to sidebar this. I found out the home was filled with toxic mold. The east wall of the apartment had floor to ceiling black mold in it and I lived in there for six months. So it actually made me very sick and there was lots of

my God, there's so many off-road stories in which I sued the building. I sued the guy who sold me the apartment because he had covered up the mold with a fake wall and just hit it. Hit it. And I actually discovered who it was through the contractor I had hired. Anyways, the net is I love the home. It made me sick. I renovated it and sooner or later I realized, you know what? The whole building is moldy. The whole thing, even though my apartment has been remediated, I fixed it. I had this intuitive hit to get out.

So in the winter of 2019, right before the pandemic, I made the choice to sell my home. And as you can imagine, I all this work, I remediated, I made a good amount of profit. I made the first like chunk of money that I've ever had in my adult life, ever. And what did I do with that money? Well, the pandemic happened, so I didn't jump back into another home. I, while staying in Connecticut for a large chunk of the pandemic,

Freddie Kimmel (07:41.97)
I met a friend who told me about a cryptocurrency known as Bitcoin. What's Bitcoin? I know. What is Bitcoin? It's really cryptography. It's the idea that there is this ever moving code that allows you to store money safely. And it's something I still very much believe in. I'm not going to go into Bitcoin, but the point is I took over time a little investment and I started to invest in Bitcoin, not another home. And I started to see that here's this money that

is a cap supply. It's designed against inflation. I believe there's great value in it because it's really fast and it started to grow. And in fact, I have to tell you this and I'm not embarrassed about the numbers, but my little investment at one point, it was up to almost $269,000, the most money I've ever had in my life. I don't own anything. I don't have any debt at this point. I've just got this like chunk of change in cryptocurrencies.

And what I chose to do is I didn't feel you can do these hardware wallets where I was like, I don't feel comfortable holding it myself. You know, where am I going to put the money? What am I going to do with it? So I put it on what's known as an exchange, a publicly traded company known as Voyager, which is an online. They advertise as having FDIC insured money. That's how they, at the time when I joined and it was really a custodial service and you earned a little bit of interest on your crypto.

And it was sitting there. I wasn't trading at it. It wasn't day trading. I wasn't doing anything with it. The other institution I use was called Celsius Bank. And if you listen to the podcast, you know, at a time I ran like a commercial for, I think it was Celsius Bank. I got to go back and look. so Voyager and Celsius to get to the point of this podcast, two months ago, both declared chapter 11. So here I sit two months ago. I remember right where I was, I was sitting in my apartment. I got this news on a text that said,

It says your financial institution actually had happened like this Celsius declared chapter 11 first. And I got pretty nauseous, right? I got pretty sick to my stomach because it had a good chunk of change on there. At the market height, I'll reference the height of the crypto market. It was like $90,000. And I felt sick. And at the same time I wasn't heartbroken. I was like, okay, chapter 11, what does that mean? They're going to reorganize. Sometimes it takes 10 years. Sometimes you get pennies back on the dollar. So I just, I sat with that. I was like, sometimes I...

Freddie Kimmel (10:04.693)
What does this mean? I just lost $90,000. What does that feel like? You know, and in my head, I didn't give it a lot of attention. I was working so hard. I'm so dedicated to the work I do, the podcast, amp coil, Lightpath LED, advocating, just all the areas of wellness. I was moving at the time. And so my life was full and I just really, I felt impressed at myself how I was not hurt by the loss of $90,000 because I'm healthy.

I have robust energy. have mental acuity. I'm surrounded by great community. have purpose driven mission in my life. I'm kind of a millionaire and that's pretty much the energy I gave it. I got this letter in the mail and it said from Voyager, the other place where I had a larger chunk of money on at the market height around $240,000 around there at the market height. And they sent out a letter to all their customers. said, Freddie, we saw what happened with Celsius. Don't worry. This is a

an institution based on the trust. manage your money, we're publicly traded, everything's covered, you're all good. Don't worry, don't touch your money. Well, two weeks later, I got the same letter. Because of market volatility, we have paused withdrawals. And in a few weeks, they also declared chapter 11. So here I sit, every dollar I have is gone. Every dollar I have in savings, my life savings. Let me just frame it appropriately, you know?

At the height of the market, was like 300,000 something. It's not that today because the cryptocurrencies, if you follow these, they go up and down and up and down and all around. The point is it absolutely made me sick to my stomach. And I went into a very deep depression for, I would say a few weeks of ruminating around what I was going to do, what this loss meant to me. Was there any hope?

You know, what was the outcome going to be? It's still going. It's still evolving. I don't know what will happen. Other than that, many times chapter 11 is a stage of bankruptcy that people to declare. So not everybody loses everything, but it gives a company a chance to reorganize. And so I've got a chance to learn what these proceedings look like. What a great learning lesson. And sometimes it can take seven to 10 years to reorganize. And at the end of that, a retail investor might get back pennies on the dollar. So

Freddie Kimmel (12:32.737)
To move forward, I have to say that I'm acting as if, act as if, always be closing, I act as if everything's gone and I'm rebuilding from a baseline. I wanted to do this podcast to say I've had some realizations around money. And I guess my truth, I just want to speak candidly, I didn't want to write this up in an article or a blog. Candidly, again, I have my energy, I have my health, I have robust mental acuity.

I have a purpose-driven mission. I love what I do. I love the people and work that I'm involved with. I am abundant. And in that way, I'm a millionaire. I'm a billionaire. You know, it's rare that you wake up every morning and the only thing I'm stoked to do is start my day again, because I love what I do. I love the people who I do it with. And there is no price on that. And I hold that to get true. And that really moves me through this time when I'm, when I do look, I think about the money, right?

But the truth that I've discovered was, is there's nothing I need. I have a beautiful home over my head, a new home in South Austin, which I've landed in this great place, which allows me a little mini biohacking center on the side of the house to have all my tools in and everybody in the community can come over and use them and benefit. And so that discovery of moving into this new space and having space for people to show up and use all the things that I talk about has reminded me how powerful they are.

experiencing everything from better energy, better sleep, better word recall, to dramatic situations where people offering that their lives have changed and they feel purpose again and they feel hopeful. And that makes me feel again like there's no value you could place on that. The other thing I realized is one thing I'm passionate about is this podcast. And I'm in this area where

The podcast is growing. You you're going to hear this. There's going to be a new website, new branding and new commercials and new videos and more assets on YouTube and all the things, right? So I'm putting out the message that I really believe in on more channels because I want more people to hear it. I want more people to know that you are the magic, that you have the power to heal. And healing is I examine so much of is it in the mind and belief system and how we surround ourselves in the environment in which I put myself in the Petri dish in which I put myself in.

Freddie Kimmel (14:50.645)
opens my bio-energetic field to more healing. I believe in that and that's why I talk about it on a show and I want to grow the show. So it's interesting to me that I come up with this frugal, it's almost like an Ebenezer Scrooge in my head when I think about paying someone for a service and it feels really expensive now because they don't have that nest egg. Even though the podcast is mildly supporting itself through affiliations and beautiful partnerships,

that I think about investing in an amount that's not coming in and I get so frugal I can track energetically. You know, but it's not a big amount. And I think about that big chunk of change that I had sitting on these cryptocurrency exchanges. And I think to myself, Freddie, what you're talking about investing is a fraction of what you had sitting on this exchange doing nothing with. Why weren't you using that big

pile of money to invest in yourself. And I have to say that this is the part that's a little sad. Is that is my example of having more money that I could ever need to invest in this platform that I believe in. And the only reason I wasn't doing it is because I was scared of the success and the growth that it would bring. That's it. What other excuse could you have? Like I said, I wasn't buying anything. There's nothing that I wanted for food, water,

purpose. I've got it all. I had a big chunk of energy. That's why I want to go back to what is money and I wanted to define that. It's an exchange that allows me access to an experience. I could have hired a PR team. I could have had someone doing all my videos for social media. I could have had someone writing emails, building a website that was optimized for SEO for the next 10 years. So why wasn't I investing in myself?

I mean, I only losing the money can I examine that opportunity that it's missed. And so I think energetically, I deserved to lose that chunk of money. And the offering what's presenting itself is I was the only one standing in my way of growing this thing known as the beautifully broken podcast, which I really love and I really believe in. And I think I'm always trying to think about what do you bring that's unique? That's not

Freddie Kimmel (17:12.677)
Luke Story or Tim Ferriss or Dave Asprey, these giants in the industry of podcasts because they're really huge and they already sort of do what you do. But I bring my voice through the lens of someone who's walked through the fire of chronic illness. And so I think my unique view as a patient offers a very unique tone which could serve humanity. But I was choosing not to amplify that voice. By not acting, I was choosing

to be quiet, was choosing to stay small, I was choosing to play little. And so I think when we have this moments when we realize the only one standing in our way, that it's not an opportunity that's not there, it's not a number of people clicking the heart on your post, that it's nothing besides you standing in your own way of building something beautiful that you really believe in. That was the lesson, the big one that I pulled away from losing.

all that money on Voyager and Celsius. And so at the time when it happened, I would have these visions of meeting this guy, Alex Mishinsky, who ran Celsius, Steve Elrich, Steven Elrich, CEO, and Alex Mishinsky. I would envision meeting them in an alley. I was like, man, I don't have violent thoughts about other people, but I would love to meet this guy in an alley with a baseball bat and remind him that I wasn't trying to do anything radical. I wasn't trading. I was just holding my money.

in storage on your platform and you lied to me and you misled me and you did this to me and you hurt me and that money wasn't money it was money that I managed to pack away from all those people I hosted on Airbnb and all the hard work of hours I put in just squirreling away little portions of my paycheck from musical theater. Do you know how hard it is to save money from musical theater?

Guys, it's hard. It's hard. Every time in your contract ends, you got to go find another job. I did that for 20 years. So this home sale and then subsequent investment was a result of all the work I had put in. Right. And so what did that represent to me? It represented all these experiences. It was validation that not only did I make it through chronic illness with adversity, but I was able to buy a home and then invest and crew like

Freddie Kimmel (19:36.078)
A fortune, a mini fortune. Now know that's not a lot of money to a lot of people, but for me, it was a lot of money. And I think about how long today, that's another conversation, what it take to make that back. I don't know, but I would envision meeting these guys in an alley and just beating the shit out of them. And then I thought about that for a second. You're right. It's this thing that I say, it's like looking at the outside world and saying, did this to me, as opposed to me asking myself,

Did I have a choice? Did I do my due diligence in putting my life savings on those platforms? I did a lot. I did hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of hours. But I also, there were moments where I had an intuitive hit to pull it off. I even, so far as this will make you sick at home, I had bought a hardware wallet, which is a hard wallet. With the intent to pull all that money off, I let it sit in my apartment for two weeks. My excuse? I was too busy.

And you can go back and search the beginning of podcast to look for the term busy. Busy is a word that signals to me you don't have control of your life. Busy is a choice. My schedule is full because I choose it to be full. I take full ownership and not pulling the money off those platforms. I had an intuitive hit to do it, especially when the first one, Celsius, Chapter 11. Or paused withdrawals, whatever order that happened in, and I didn't do it.

I didn't do it because my schedule was too full out of choice. So in 2022, closing out to 2023, we're going to go into here. Isn't that crazy? We're going into 2023. I'm going to engineer more time in my life. And the idea that something happened to me because I was too busy is bullshit. That means I'm out of control of my life. And so I say all this, this energetics around money, because I know so many people

You know, it's all about, there's this idea, there was this belief system in my head when I was really, really sick and I was broke before Airbnb that I imagined if I had $20,000 in my pocket, I could buy all the stuff that Dave Asprey talked about on Bulletproof and everything would be well. You know, I'd buy Dr. Pollock's, know, Soma Pulse PEMF device. I'd put it on my wrist and that would cure my chronic pain. Now going through the experience to having a lot of devices and a lot of money, I know that's not true.

Freddie Kimmel (22:01.691)
We're almost like, you know, beautifully broken. It's almost like this incredible mosaic puzzle in which you have this purity of spirit and it like crystalline structures into like a managed, a beautiful, beautiful painting. We smash it with a hammer. And then this process of putting back the broken pieces back together, much like the Japanese art of Kintsugi, it's like the fractures and the breaks. That's the beauty. Lackered together with gold, it highlights the injury. And that's where the magic is. They say,

where the vessel breaks, where the cracks are, that's where the light comes in. Yeah. So this is a great example of that. Truly at times feeling earth shattering and at the times being like, wow, you have everything you need and money is energy. It allows you access to experience. And here I am, here I am, right? Year one of really starting to travel again. And I'm like flying all over the United States.

speaking on wellness, advocating for patient health, working with wellness companies. I have a podcast that makes money and supports me. How could I have any more? And remember, stop playing small. Believe in yourself so much that you would invest all your net worth into yourself. I was holding back and I didn't know it until it was all taken away.

This is the beautifully broken podcast. I hope this resonates with you and I hope you were inspired to share something of your experience with money or losing money or feeling like you don't have enough money to support yourself or your others or your child. God forbid your child is sick. I know those stories are out there because I hear them all the time and re-examine how you can open channels of energy to invite more abundance into your life.

We'll do more episodes on money because it's something I'm very passionate about. There are times when I consider just retiring from health and being the healthpreneur and be a moneypreneur because it fascinates me because again, it allows you access to things. So that's cool, right? The only other thing I'll close with is this, you know, I've been listening to a lot of Alan Watts and he does a lot of exploration and what it is to be human or the human experience.

Freddie Kimmel (24:25.608)
You know, and he says so many people view time as this like little sliver that moves along a left to right axis creating a future to past. And that we miss the human experience by allowing the truth that the only thing that's real is present. The past isn't, it's not real. It's all an experience which is subjective. And the future hasn't happened yet, so we don't know what it's gonna be. What does it feel like to be truly present? Team, here's the magic. I feel truly

Freddie Kimmel (25:09.516)
I love you so much. I'm your host Freddie Kimmel.

Big love.

Freddie Kimmel (25:28.777)
team. Thank you for creating a wave of momentum that is driving season five of the beautifully broken podcast. My heart thanks you for tuning in. And if you enjoy today's show, head over to Apple podcasts, and now Spotify, Spotify is new, and you can leave a review five stars if you loved it. And before you go, I have something really important I need to offer. There are two ways we can build this relationship. The first

is to join my membership program at buymeacoffee.com forward slash freddy set go. You get early access to all the podcasts, bonus episodes, discounted consults, and free webinars covering all the wellness technologies. The second is to support beautifullybroken.world. That's right. I have a brand new website and new store, beautifullybroken.world. Listed on here are all the wellness tools, supplements,

educational courses and products that I absolutely love. Most of them offer significant discounts by clicking the link or using the code. Please know that they don't cost you anything extra. And at the same time, they do support the podcast through affiliations. What? What's that? I just got a message from my lawyers, my internet team of lawyers. They wanted me to tell you that the information on this podcast is for educational purposes only. By listening

You agree not to use the information found here as medical advice. Do you agree? Yes, you agree. To treat any medical condition in yourself or others, always consult your own physician for any medical issues that you may be having. Finally, our closing. The world is changing. We need you at your very best. So always take the steps to be upgrading your energy, your mindset, and your heart. Remember, while life is pain, putting the fractured pieces back together is a beautiful process. I love ya. I'm your host, Freddie Kimmel.